The 2020-21 Student Monologue Challenge has concluded. MTC Education wishes to thank the 231 students from 53 high schools in 17 states who submitted monologues! The next round of the Student Monologue Challenge will launch in Fall 2021. Stay tuned!
“YOU HAVE NO IDEA…”
The Challenge:
- Create a character and write an original monologue – an extended speech for one character addressing another – that responds to the prompt “You have no idea…” (Note: You are not required to include the words “You have no idea” in your monologue.)
- The monologue should run 1-2 minutes when spoken.
- Each week beginning in late October, we will post outstanding submissions to this page as well as on MTC’s social media channels. Be sure to follow us on Instagram @mtc_nyc
- Beginning in late January, we will share some of the most exceptional entries brought to life by some of today’s most exciting acting talents!
Ready to get started? Check out this video we made to help guide your writing process.
Learn more about the first round of the Student Monologue Challenge by clicking here.
WATCH JOSHUA PERFORM EM’S MONOLOGUE
THE AUTHOR
Em Savarese, senior at Spotswood High School (NJ)
Em Savarese is a student at Spotswood High School in New Jersey and has been writing scripts since childhood. They are inspired by unconventional love stories, universal messages, and thematic storytelling, and they hope to remind others of familiar and forgotten feelings through their writing.
THE ACTOR
Joshua Boone
Broadway: Network, Holler if Ya Hear Me. Off-Broadway: All the Natalie Portmans (MCC), Actually (Manhattan Theatre Club), Mother Courage & Her Children (Classic Stage Company). Other theatre includes: Artney Jackson, Where Storms are Born, Actually (Williamstown Theatre Festival), Sticky Traps (Kansas City Rep), Brownsville Song (B-SIDE FOR TRAY) at the Humana Festival, In the Heights (Pioneer Theater), Choir Boy (Alliance). TV/Film: Premature (Sundance ’19/Hulu), Wheels, Fan Girl, “Law and Order: SVU”, “Seven Seconds” (Netflix). BFA from Virginia Commonwealth University
WATCH MIDORI PERFORM BELINDA’S MONOLOGUE
THE AUTHOR
Belinda Leung, senior at Brooklyn Technical High School (NY)
Belinda Leung is a senior at Brooklyn Technical High School. She enjoys reading and watching plays.
THE ACTOR
Midori Francis
Midori Francis can currently be seen in the Netflix series DASH & LILY as Lily, a sunny holiday loving New Yorker who trades messages and dates in a red notebook with cynical Dash (Austin Abrams) back and forth around New York City.
Francis was most recently seen in Universal Pictures GOOD BOYS, directed by Gene Stupnitsky and written by Lee Eisenberg. The film, which premiered at SXSW, was one of the major box office successes of 2019. She was also seen in the Facebook Watch series THE BIRCH and is currently in production on the Netflix film AFTERLIFE OF THE PARTY.
She has starred in numerous productions on stage including Ming Peiffer’s USUAL GIRLS in which she was nominated for a Drama Desk award in the category of Best Leading Actress and for which The New York Times called her performance “bold, moving and full-on funny.” She was also seen in the acclaimed production of BEFORE THE MEETING at Williamstown in 2019, which was named one of the best shows of the year by the New York Times. She appeared in Sarah DeLappe’s Drama Desk Award winning play THE WOLVES at Lincoln Center.
WATCH JASON PERFORM RANIA’S MONOLOGUE
THE AUTHOR
Rania Zaki, sophomore at Stuyvesant High School (NY)
Rania Zaki is a sophomore at Stuyvesant High School, NYC. She’s an award-winning poet with pieces in The New York Times and a writer for The Stuyvesant Spectator. Her creative works primarily focus on the Muslim-American experience. She hopes to specialize in biotechnology and to be a published novelist.
THE ACTOR
Jason Kisare is a 17-year-old actor and musician who made his Broadway debut in Andrew Lloyd Webber’s School of Rock, the Musical. He guest starred on the pilot episode of “New Amsterdam”(NBC), appeared on “Awkwafina is Nora from Queens” (Comedy Central), and performed in several live music events in NJ/NY. He’s played many lead roles in his school’s theatre productions and enjoys writing plays in his free time. He is currently working on writing his first musical.
THE DIRECTOR
Dominique Rider
Dominique Rider is a director and dramaturg based in Brooklyn, New York. They believe in l[i/o]ving like it is the end of the world. Dominique’s work is concerned with answering the question: “What is a world unmade by slavery?” They have worked as a director and collaborator at Princeton, BRICLAB, NYU, Harlem9, Ensemble Studio Theatre, The Haiti Cultural Exchange, MCC, The Old Globe, The Lark, Soho Rep, The Atlantic, The Bushwick Starr, Clubbed Thumb and, Long Wharf. They are the director in residence for the National Black Theatre through 2021, a NAMT 2019 observer, and an inaugural member of Roundabout Theatre Company’s Directing Group. www.dominiquerider.com
Photo credit: Sedderick Raphael
WATCH BOBBY PERFORM MILO’S MONOLOGUE
THE AUTHOR
Milo Kessler
Milo Kessler, senior at Brooklyn Technical High School (NY)
Milo Kessler is a senior at Brooklyn Technical High School in the Mathematics major. He is a huge sports fan and plays on the tennis team at Brooklyn Tech. He also loves movies and the theater.
THE ACTOR
Bobby Cannavale
Select Film:
Superintelligence, The Irishman, The Jesus Rolls, Motherless Brooklyn, I,Tonya, Jumanji: Welcome to the Jungle, Ant Man and the Wasp, Ferdinand, Daddy’s Home, Ant-Man, Spy, Danny Collins, Annie, Chef, Blue Jasmine, Win Win, The Station Agent, Fast Food Nation, Romance and Cigarettes
Upcoming Film:
Blonde, Jolt, Once Upon A Time in Staten Island, Sing 2, Seriously Red
TV:
Homecoming, Angie Tribeca, Mr. Robot, Master of None, Vinyl, Boardwalk Empire (Emmy Award, SAG Nomination), Nurse Jackie (2 Emmy Nominations, SAG Nomination), Will and Grace (Emmy Award)
Upcoming TV:
9 Perfect Strangers
Select NY Theater
Medea (BAM),The Lifespan of a Fact, The Hairy Ape (Drama Desk Nomination),The Big Knife, Glengarry Glen Ross, The Motherfucker With The Hat (Tony Nomination, Drama Desk Award), Mauritius (Tony Nomination), HurlyBurly, Fucking A, The Gingerbread House
Member: Labyrinth Theater Company
WATCH LIO PERFORM CYNTHIA’S MONOLOGUE
THE AUTHOR
Cynthia Zephyr, senior at G-Star School of the Arts (FL)
Cynthia Zephyr is a senior at G-Star School of the Arts in West Palm Beach, FL. She is a very social being who loves talking to people about their lifestyles. Her main motto is “Treat people how you’d like to be treated.” So, don’t be afraid to spread some love and affection ;).
THE ACTOR
Lio Mehiel
Lio Mehiel is a latinx, transmasc actor and filmmaker based in Queens, New York. Their short film DISFORIA premiered at Outfest and Newest Film Festivals and is currently being developed into a feature length queer, psych thriller. Lio has performed on Broadway, and in shows on Netflix and ABC. They are a co-founder of Voyeur Productions and a proud member of the @SubscribetoSolidarity team!
THE DIRECTOR
Tatyana-Marie Carlo
Tatyana-Marie Carlo (Ella/She), is a proud Puerto Rican director from Miami, who received her MFA in Directing from Brown University, and her BFA in acting from New World School of the Arts. Former Artistic Director of Micro Theater Miami and Associate Director of Seminole Theater in Homestead Fl. Her work includes Regional/Other: “Fade” (Trinity Rep, Rhode Island), “Tanta Bulla…¿Y pa que?” (Trinity Rep), “La Tempestad” (Trinity Rep), “References to Salvador Dalí Make Me Hot” (Pell Chafee Performance Center, Rhode Island), “She Kills Monsters” (Pell Chafee Performance Center), “Subliminal” (Suny Purchase), “Real Women Have Curves” (Mainstreet Players, Miami) “Clybourne Park” (Mainstreet Players). Readings: “The Merit System” (Long Wharf Theatre), “The Inferior Sex” (UNC Chapel Hill), In The Canyon (Williamstown Theater Festival, Massachusetts) Assistant Director: “Song of Summer” (Trinity Rep), “Orlando” (Williamstown Theatre Festival) “Soft” (Williamstown Theatre Festival) Awards/Honors: 2021 Drama League Public Works Fellow, 2019 Matt Harris Directing Fellow (Williamstown Theatre Festival), Coming Soon: Marisol (Emerson Stage), Our Dear Dead Drug Lord (Zoetic Stage), tatyanamariecarlo.com SDC
WATCH SHANNON PERFORM ADA’S MONOLOGUE
THE AUTHOR
Ada Zhou, senior at Brooklyn Technical High School (NY)
Ada Zhou is a senior at Brooklyn Technical High School. She attends classes at Pratt Institute through Pratt Young Scholars, a three-year scholarship program. Ada is working towards a career in the creative industry.
THE ACTOR
Shannon DeVido
A 2020 BAFTA Breakout, Shannon DeVido is best known for her roles in Hulu’s Difficult People, Netflix’s Insatiable, Comedy Central’s Delco Proper, and Law and Order: SVU, as well as appearances on The Nightly Show with Larry Wilmore and Sesame Street. Shannon starred in the world premieres of Michael Lew’s dark comedy Teenage Dick at the Public Theater and Samuel D. Hunter’s The Healing. Shannon has also acquired a dedicated following on her disability-focused comedy YouTube channel “Stare at Shannon.” In her latest project, she leads the cast of the full-length independent feature film Best Summer Ever, an award-winning musical comedy which had been set to premiere at SXSW in 2020.
WATCH MARCEL PERFORM WESLEY’S MONOLOGUE
THE AUTHOR
Wesley Seaman, senior at Brooklyn Technical High School (NY)
Wesley Seaman is a senior at Brooklyn Technical High School. He has lived his whole life in NYC, and in his free time he likes to watch One Piece and listen to music.
THE ACTOR
Marcel Spears
Marcel Spears co-stars with Cedric The Entertainer in the hit CBS comedy series The Neighborhood. Spears made his television debut on the ABC ½ hour comedy The Mayor from executive producers Daveed Diggs. He was also recently seen in Always a Bridesmaid, from executive producer Yvette Nicole Brown which can now be seen on Netflix. Marcel’s theatrical resume includes the West Coast premiere of Martyna Majok’s Ironbound at the Geffen Playhouse; Rachel Bonds’ play At the Old Place at La Jolla Playhouse; Steve Martin’s Picasso at the Lapin Agile with Justin Long and Donald Faison at the Old Globe Theater; Ruben Santiago-Hudson’s production of Ma Rainey’s Black Bottom at Two River Theater in New Jersey and the Guthrie Theater’s production of Alice Childress’ play Trouble in Mind. On the New York Stage, Spears starred in the title role of the Classic Stage Company’s production of Othello with their Young Company and was seen in Mother Courage also at Classic Stage Company. In 2015, Spears starred opposite Deidre O’Connell in in Page 73’s production of Judy by Max Posner under the direction of Ken Rus Schmoll. Marcel made his professional New York Stage debut in Classic Stage’s Young Company production of A Midsummer Night’s Dream directed by Tyne Rafaeli, for which he was awarded the Rosemarie Tichler Fund Grant. Marcel is a New Orleans native and holds an MFA in Acting from Columbia University.
THE DIRECTOR
Ken-Matt Martin
Ken-Matt Martin (Director of Ghost Gun and Goodman Theatre Associate Producer) served as Producing Director of Williamstown Theatre Festival (WTF) from 2018-2019. Martin is the co-founder of Pyramid Theatre Company in Des Moines, Iowa where he served as Executive Director for five seasons. During his tenure at WTF, Martin produced the world premiere productions of Grand Horizons, Selling Kabul and Before The Meeting in addition to revivals of Ibsen’s Ghosts starring Uma Thurman, and A Raisin in the Sun directed by Robert O’Hara. He received two undergraduate degrees from Drake University and his M.F.A. in Directing from Brown University. In addition to his producing credits, Martin has numerous directing/acting credits. More info can be found at KenMatt.com
WATCH KUHOO PERFORM ANANYA’S MONOLOGUE
THE AUTHOR
Ananya Badami, sophomore at Oak Grove High School (Ojai, California)
Ananya Badami is an aspiring actress in her sophomore year at Oak Grove School in Ojai, California. This is the first monologue she’s ever written, and she is so thrilled to have had this opportunity! Ananya likes to roller skate, dance, and participate in as much theatre as possible.
THE ACTOR
Kuhoo Verma
Kuhoo Verma is set to lead the cast of the upcoming Hulu comedy Plan B. She previously starred in the world premiere of Dave Malloy’s musical Octet at the Signature Theatre, for which she received the Lucille Lortel Award for Outstanding Featured Actress in a Musical and the Drama Desk Award for Best Ensemble. Her film credits include the Oscar-nominated The Big Sick.
WATCH CONNOR PERFORM CARLA’S MONOLOGUE
THE AUTHOR
Carla Ortega, junior at G-Star School of the Arts (FL)
Carla Ortega is a junior at G-Star School of the Arts in West Palm Beach, Florida. Raised by her Puerto Rican parents, she’s lived in Florida her entire life. Through her school, she is a participant in MTC Education’s TheatreLink program. Carla loves to read books in her spare time and put her feelings to words in her poetry.
THE ACTOR
Connor Johnston
Originally from Portland, OR, Connor Johnston moved to New York to attend NYU’s Tisch School of the Arts. Theater credits include: Neighborhood 3 (The Flea), Snow Falling on Cedars (Portland Center Stage), Rabbit Hole (Theater with a View). Film: All These Small Moments, Love-40, Something Like Summer. TV: “Madam Secretary”, “FBI”, “Elementary”. Love to friends & family, and especially my AAPI community.
THE DIRECTOR
Seonjae Kim
Seonjae Kim (she/they) is a writer and director, based in New York City and Seoul, South Korea. She was recently hired as a staff writer for Seoul/LA based production company Bound Entertainment (founded by Okja producer Samuel Ha) and was part of the writing room of Dr. Brain, the new series from Bound and Apple TV+. She is the creator and director of Riot Antigone, an original Riot Grrrl musical adaptation of Sophocles’ tragedy that premiered at La MaMa Experimental Theatre Club in 2017. Riot Antigone was published in the Routledge anthology Reclaiming Greek Drama for Diverse Audiences and will be released as an independent record in 2021. She has been a lecturer at Princeton University and Bryn Mawr College and a fellow with the Drama League, Stage Directors and Choreographers Foundation, New York Theatre Workshop and the Asian American Arts Alliance/Van Lier Community Trust. Her work has been seen at Atlantic Theatre Company, Joe’s Pub, Playwrights’ Realm, The Bushwick Starr, Dixon Place, Williamstown, PEN/World Voices Festival, Rattlestick Theatre Company, Theatre Mu, The New Ohio and University of the Arts among other places. Associate Director of the Broadway-bound musical KPOP.
WATCH COLBY PERFORM FELIPE’S MONOLOGUE
THE AUTHOR
Felipe Del Rosario, junior at Memorial High School’s Performing Arts Academy (NJ)
Felipe Del Rosario is an aspiring actor and filmmaker from Dominican Republic. Passionate about the arts and film, he is currently a junior at Memorial High School’s Performing Arts Academy in West New York, NJ. He has participated in several of MTC Education’s Theatre Tuesday workshops, including one on monologue writing from which this piece was developed. Felipe aims to create entertaining stories that motivate individuals and contributes to the growth of humanity.
THE ACTOR
Colby Minifie
COLBY MINIFIE Broadway: Six Degrees of Separation, Long Day’s Journey Into Night, The Pillowman. Off-Broadway: Punk Rock (MCC), Close Up Space (MTC), Landscape of the Body (Signature), The Dark at the Top of the Stairs (Transport Group). Film: Charlie Kaufman’s I’m Thinking of Ending Things, Joseph Sackett’s upcoming Homebody, and Paterno, Radium Girls, Deep Powder, Submission, Viper Club. TV: “The Boys”, “Fear the Walking Dead”, “The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel”, “Jessica Jones”, “Madam Secretary”, “Nurse Jackie”, “Law & Order: SVU”, “The Code”, “Blacklist”, “Blindspot”. Minifie is a graduate of Macaulay Honors College.
WATCH CHRISTIAN PERFORM BRIANNA’S MONOLOGUE
THE AUTHOR
Brianna Chavez, senior at Frank Sinatra School of the Arts (NY)
Brianna Chavez is a senior drama and musical theater major at Frank Sinatra School of the Arts in New York City. She is dedicated to raising social awareness through written work. This is her second Student Monologue Challenge performance video; the first was performed by Jordan Boatman in July 2020. Brianna also participated in MTC Education’s Write Now! program in the summer of 2020. She eagerly awaits her college journey!
THE ACTOR
Christian Strange
South Carolina native, Christian Strange, is a graduate of Carnegie Mellon University (2018.) He can be seen in the upcoming short film, In This, Our Time, written and directed by the Academy Award winning director Alex Dinelaris. Off-Broadway credits include Sunday at the Atlantic Theater Company. Strange is a recipient of the John Arthur Kennedy Award for Outstanding Actor at CMU as well as a 2014 YoungArts National Award Winner for Musical Theater.
THE DIRECTOR
Zhailon Levingston
Zhailon Levingston is a Louisiana raised director and storyteller specializing in the development of new plays and musicals. Credits include: ”Neptune” at Dixon Place and the Brooklyn Museum,“The Years That Went Wrong” at The Lark and MCC. The Exonerated” at Columbia Law School. “Chariot part 2” at SoHo Rep for The Movement Theatre Company. “Mother of Pearl” at LaGuardia Performing Arts Center. He is the co- director “Reconstruction” with Tony award winner Rachel Chavkin. Most recently he directed “Chicken and Biscuits” at Queens Theatre. He is the director of industry initiatives for the Broadway Advocacy Coalition and the resident director at Tina the Tina Turner Musical on Broadway.
WATCH NANA PERFORM TAYLOR’S MONOLOGUE
THE AUTHOR
Taylor Davis, sophomore at Mount Carmel Academy (LA)
Taylor Davis is a sophomore at Mount Carmel Academy in New Orleans. She has worked as a stage manager and video editor in her school’s drama club since eighth grade. Taylor enjoys reading and listening to music, and she is a strong advocate for pineapple on pizza.
THE ACTOR
Nana Mensah
Nana Mensah is a Ghanaian-American writer, director, actor and producer. She wrote, directed and stars in QUEEN OF GLORY (premiering at Tribeca this April), and previously staffed for and acted in Rightor Doyle’s Bonding Season 2 at Netflix. She most recently staffed on Season 2 of Random Acts of Flyness at HBO and is currently staff writing on season 2 of BBC’s THE POWER. Nana’s acting credits include recurring arcs on NBC’s New Amsterdam, the hit Netflix series 13 Reasons Why, and most recently in the Sundance 2020 feature FAREWELL AMOR. She will be next seen in a series regular role in NETFLIX’s new series The Chair opposite Sandra Oh. She was also nominated for a Lortel in her role in Off-Broadway show THE MAN FROM NEBRASKA directed by David Cromer.
Some questions to ask yourself before you begin to write:
| WHO is speaking and who’s the “you”? | The speaker could be based on you and your personal experience, or it could be entirely imaginary. |
| WHERE and WHEN is the monologue taking place? | In today’s world, via Facetime or Zoom? In another time and place: on the street, in an office, on a ship in a storm? |
| WHAT’s the “idea” that “you” doesn’t have? | …how much I love/hate… …how hard it was to… …what I need …what I am capable of …what you’re saying/doing …what’s at stake …who I am …why they left Etc. |
| And WHAT is the speaker trying to accomplish? What does the speaker want from the “you”? | To connect? To warn? To break free? To reach agreement? To thank? To enlighten? Be clear about what the speaker needs. |
| WHY is the speaker speaking now, rather than before or later on? What’s at stake? | Make the need urgent. Good drama is based on strong needs. |
| HOW does the speaker express thoughts, ideas, and intentions? | Use vivid, precise language. Make sure the language serves the speaker’s needs and objective. |
ENTRY PERIOD
The Manhattan Theatre Club Student Monologue Challenge (the “Challenge”) begins on October 7, 2020 and ends April 30, 2021 (the “Entry Period”).
HOW TO ENTER
Eligible students may enter the Challenge by submitting a completed online entry form in order for their work to be considered for publishing on Manhattan Theatre Club’s website (“MTC Website”) and/or social media channels (i.e. Twitter, Facebook, Instagram, YouTube).
ELIGIBILITY
The Challenge is open only to students currently enrolled in high school or high school equivalency programs. Entrants who are legal minors and whose work is selected to be shared will be required to submit a materials release form signed by a parent or legal guardian prior to publishing. Individuals with an immediate family member who is an employee of Manhattan Theatre Club or any of its subsidiaries, affiliates, or advertising or promotion agencies are not eligible. Eligibility determinations will be made by Manhattan Theatre Club in its discretion and will be final and binding.
SELECTION AND NOTIFICATION
Submissions will be screened by Manhattan Theatre Club’s Education staff as well as other members of MTC’s administrative staff. Up to ten submissions will be selected weekly for posting on the Challenge webpage and up to five submissions per week will be shared via Manhattan Theatre Club’s social media channels (i.e. Twitter, Facebook, Instagram, YouTube) each Saturday beginning October 24 and ending at a future date to be determined. The authors of selected entries will be notified by email in advance of publishing the material using the email provided with the entry. Entrants are responsible for providing accurate and current contact information, such as a valid email address, for contact purposes. Selected winners who do not respond within 48 hours of notice from Manhattan Theatre Club shall forfeit their selection status. Those authors who are legal minors will receive a materials release form which must be signed by a parent or legal guardian and returned via email in order for Manhattan Theatre Club to publish the material.
GRANT OF RIGHTS
By entering the Student Monologue Challenge, each entrant irrevocably grants to Manhattan Theatre Club and its parent companies, subsidiaries, affiliates and advertising and promotion agencies, and the successors and assigns and licensees of each of the foregoing (collectively, the “Licensees”) the right to use the entrant’s name, likeness, biographical information and written monologue, in perpetuity, throughout the world, in all media and formats whether now or later known or developed, including without limitation via the MTC Website and third-party websites and social media and digital channels, for commercial purposes and any other purposes (including without limitation advertising and promotion), without further notice or compensation, unless prohibited by law. In addition, by submitting a Submission, each entrant irrevocably grants to the Licensees a non-exclusive license to publish, display, reproduce, modify, edit, create derivative works based on and otherwise use the Submission, in whole or part, in perpetuity, throughout the world, in all media and formats whether now or later known or developed, including without limitation via the MTC Website and third-party websites and social media and digital channels, for commercial purposes and any other purposes (including without limitation advertising and promotion), without further notice or compensation, unless prohibited by law.
USE OF INFORMATION
By entering the Challenge, each entrant agrees that information submitted via the MTC Website in connection with the Challenge will be subject to, and may be used as permitted under Manhattan Theatre Club’s Privacy Notice available at https://manhattantheatreclub.com/manhattan-theatre-club-privacy-policy/ (the “Privacy Notice”) , and may also be used as determined by Manhattan Theatre Club in connection with the administration of the Challenge, and for purposes of providing products, services and information (e.g., newsletters) to the entrant.
Selected Monologues for May 8, 2021
Character: Tyler
Age: 16
Three words to describe this character: contained, strong-willed, lonely
Setting: TYLER is standing at the island in the kitchen of her and her family’s home. Her brother, LEO, is diagonal from her at the opposite side of the counter.
TYLER: Sometimes I just want to scream at everyone “STOP.” Like in the dressing room of the store we’ve been going to since I was four. Or when you make a comment about how much I ate. Or when grandma says I look “so good now.” Right then and there, I want to slap everyone in existence in the face and just turn invisible and float into the walls. Because they don’t get it, you included. And it’s hard to explain it to you because I don’t know what it is, it’s just a feeling. Like a really, really bad feeling that sinks down deep in me. One that screams at me from the kids in dance class, or the pretty girls in movies, or from the girls at my lunch table in fifth grade who would play a game where they went around the table and everyone had to say their weights but I pretended to be finished with lunch so I could throw something out and have an excuse to not be there. And I would stay away long enough so by the time I got back, the girls would have forgotten about the game. Or did they? Because then I would hear from my best friend that the other girls were saying things about me. And calling me names. And so I would thank her and wonder why she didn’t defend me all at the same time.
And then, you remember, I got older and I decided to get “healthy.” (showing air quotes) “Healthy” because healthy and skinny aren’t the same thing. And I lost some weight, so I needed to get new clothes. So I went to the store that we’ve been shopping at since I was four years old with mom and grandma. And I go into the dressing room, a dressing room where I’ve wanted to just peel off my skin and run away because I was too embarrassed to say that the shirt was too small. And now, I did it, hooray! Except I didn’t. Because when I walk out of the dressing room to show mom and grandma a shirt I’m trying on, grandma says “you look so good now!” And I know that she means it in the nicest way possible, grandma is the sweetest person, but it makes me want to shrivel up and evaporate. Because I can’t escape from it. I can’t stop people from examining my body like I am some sort of lab specimen. Including you. I am your sister not a freaking weird amoeba! So I need you to stop. And I just need it all to stop.
Character: Janiah Lawrence
Age: 16
Three words to describe this character: stubborn, intelligent, honest
Setting: High school women’s rights club meeting about race relations among students
JANIAH: Did you really just say that? Alright, that’s enough. (Stands up.) Can you just listen to me for a second? Like sit there, and let me talk for once. No interruptions or nothing. I’m the only black girl here, and I feel like my voice is hardly heard. I’m so sick of y’all talking over us. And before you interrupt, telling me not to “create divides” by saying “y’all” and “us,” just think about what I have to say. I need a moment where I can speak passionately without being aggressive, or the “angry black girl.” I’m fed up. Y’all think your womanhood overrules your whiteness, but it’s actually what protects you. At the end of the day, you are white before anything else. You say “we hear you,” but not if we have something to say that you don’t like. You’re allies until you have to be held accountable. Y’all can cry your white women’s tears and continue to be the damsels in distress of America, but then play ally when it’s convenient for you. You can post your Instagram threads, and put ‘BLM’ in your bio, but you won’t stand up to your racist grandma, father, boyfriend… it’s ridiculous. Emmet Till. The Central Park Five. George Stinney. Historically documented cases that prove how your white tears can be weaponized. You say “all we ever do is try to help you,” then make yourselves the face of every movement. You ask me “what are you?” and try to put me in a box. Then you ask to touch my hair and pet me like I’m some animal that you wanna put in a glass box and admire for hours. You cry about not being the beauty standard if you don’t have blue-green eyes or blonde hair, but your skin is enough for you to be attractive. You grow out your pit hair and scream “free the nip!” because you don’t have much more to worry about. I understand that we all have struggles, as women. But you have no idea what it’s like to be a black woman in America.
Character: Abigail
Age: 17
Three words to describe this character: talkative, outgoing, extrovert
Setting: Abigail’s room
ABIGAIL: You have no idea what it’s like having sleep paralysis. It’s a suffocation. It’s worse than nightmares. Every night I go to bed, scared that I’ll wake up with my limbs frozen. But it’s more than that, you know? I could be having the best dream of my life, absolutely no cares in the world, but when I wake up, it’s all ruined when I feel like there’s a hand wrapped around my throat. The scientific explanation? Nah, scientific explanation my ass. They say it has something to do with the body still being asleep after the brain wakes up, but I don’t believe it’s just that. You wanna know why? Because I see things. Or one thing, really. It’s a monster. It’s not human. And every time I wake up not able to move, it’s there. You probably think I’m insane, but search it up. I’m not the only one, I swear. People have explained that they’ve seen things. Yeah, I can describe it to you, I guess. First, you just wake up, feeling completely normal. Then, when you try to do something like lift your arm, nothing happens. It just… stays. Of course, at this point, you get a little confused. But from there, the more you try to move, the tighter your chest starts to feel. And that’s usually when I start to see it. That weird demon. He just stands, in the corner of my room, watching me struggle in silence. Sometimes, I can’t even blink. I just slowly suffocate. Soon I realize that struggling doesn’t help much, and I need to force myself to calm down. After laying still for a few minutes and calming by breathing, that’s when I can move. Yeah, it’s no fun. They say sleeping on your back increases the chances of sleep paralysis. I sleep on my back. Maybe I should stop. Anyways, not fun. 0/10 recommend.
Character: Billie
Age: 16
Three words to describe this character: independent, intuitive, caring
Setting: Kitchen table
BILLIE: You have no idea. This is the best thing that ever happened to me. It’s like he handcuffed me for two years, and he finally unlocked me. My wrists are free! So for that, I thank him. You know, Mom, you must be relieved too. You’ve hated him since the beginning.
I’m doing better now. I’m on a social media cleanse. And it’s not because he’s going to prom with Sydney Maxwell. If I was popular and hot and muscley I’d jump at the chance of landing a hot chick. I mean, I was probably boring him. For example, I never used tongue when we kissed because his breath always smelled like beef jerky. Some athlete thing. Wait, is that too much information for you? Sorry, if this is weird. But you know what? I already decided that this is good for me. Now I can spend time with Billie (pointing to herself) as Billie, not Jake’s girlfriend.
I wasn’t happy, anyway. I always felt like I didn’t deserve to be with him. Our entire relationship, people thought that he was saving me. They’d say, “oh good for him, helping the quiet girl climb up the ranks.” Even his friends didn’t like me. But at least there was Bella. She always hung around, since her and Jake were childhood friends. I think you’d like her a lot. She has these long curls and a really symmetrical smile. But for some reason I was feeling territorial, because that’s my obligation. As a… girlfriend.
You know, I never knew how lonely it would feel to be held up on someone’s arm all the time. His arm around me while he high fived his friends in the hallways. His hand gripping mine while we walked to his car, then his hand squeezing my knee while he drove me home. He even got us these shitty matching bracelets that I had to wear every day because it was a reminder that “we belong together” or something. And I know you and Dad did that romantic sweet stuff, but it’s gross! And, why do you need your man hands on me to prove that I belong to you? I’d say all this stuff to Bella, and she would laugh so hard, one time she snorted milk out of her nose.
Anyway, I think he felt like our time together was coming to a close, because last week he said we needed a break. Boy, was I relieved. And, It’s not like he was a bad person–I just didn’t love him like that. But now I think I’d like to be alone for a while. Take a break from the whole hand-holding stuff. And now, I can initiate the last step of my freedom. (BILLIE takes off the charm bracelet from her wrist and flings it across the room.) My wrists are free!
Character: KJ
Age: 17
Three words to describe this character: frustrated, insecure, lost
Setting: A high school stairwell
KJ: Can you just stop? Stop pretending like — like you get it or you understand me or something or you get what I’m going through. Because I’m sorry but you don’t. I know it comes from a place of love and we’ve been friends forever, but this is one thing that we can’t go through together. And you trying to sympathize or relate your struggles to mine, really doesn’t help. You don’t know what it’s like to live in a world where you are just- wrong. Everywhere you look, everywhere you turn, there’s just some ad, or some person, some movie, some magazine telling you all the ways you don’t meet the standard. And so many groups rejected you even when you thought that was where you belonged, leaving you stranded in the in between. Too dark to be white, too light to be black, too American to be Hispanic… Even at this stupid school. Everyone thinks I got in thanks to affirmative action and my last name, so in return I have to work ten times harder than anyone else just to prove I earned my spot here. You can speak while I have to yell just to be heard, oh but not too loud or I’ll get labeled as “aggressive.” You don’t have to deal with people treating you like an animal at a petting zoo, saying you’re “eloquent,” or asking you every five seconds, “What are you?” God, it’s all so dehumanizing! The worst part is, after all these voices saying you’re not pretty enough or smart enough or skinny enough or white enough, you can’t help but start to believe it too. That you aren’t worthy of love, attention, happiness… Even if all those voices go away, you’re left with your own just echoing it all back, like a cave you can’t escape from.
Character: Cameron
Age: 17
Three words to describe this character: sarcastic, apathetic, popular
Setting: Cameron’s bedroom at around 10pm
(CAMERON’s call goes straight to voicemail.)
CAMERON: Hey, Jocelyn. I don’t know if you’re gonna see this or not, but I thought I should call you—it’s been a while. I don’t really know where you are right now, or why you left… but I just really want you to come home. It’s been really hard lately…
(To self:) Oh god what am I even saying?
Um, sorry about that, I just don’t really know what to say to you right now. I know that I can have a hard time expressing my emotions and sometimes it can seem like I don’t really care. But I do care… about you. It’s just, it’s been really lonely. I mean I love mom and Charlie a lot but it hasn’t been the same without- Oh, I found your lip gloss the other day that you lost a while ago. It was under the couch for some reason? Oh, and you’re probably wondering why I was digging under the couch… it’s a funny story, actually. Charlie and I were playing hide and seek and he decided to cram himself under the couch and got his head stuck. I mean, I know the kid’s in that like gifted program at school but I don’t think he has a single brain cell in that giant head of his. Well, anyways. I eventually pulled Charlie so hard his head popped back out from under the couch and with him came this dusty tube of lip gloss that rolled right out. It was really nasty but I cleaned it and it’s now waiting on your desk. So if me, mom, and Charlie aren’t enough to get you to come back home, maybe that tube of lip gloss is!
(Beat.)
I’m sorry—I shouldn’t have said that. I mean your phone’s probably dead anyways so it doesn’t really matter. I’m um—I’m sorry I didn’t reach out until now. I just thought I would let you have some space. It’s just that two months feels like a long time for getting some space, you know what I mean? Oh, I’m almost out of time. Um… I really miss you, Jocelyn. We all miss you so much. And I know I’ve never really said this before, but I love you. I really do. You have no idea how hard it’s been these past few months… and I’m always here for you, you know that. I, um, I hope you’re safe. It’s a scary world out there. And please don’t forget about me, okay? I love you. (Holding back tears) Goodbye, Jocelyn.
(They hang up the phone.)
Character: Lily Stewart
Age: 17
Three words to describe this character: depressed, naive, dependent
Setting: In her best friend Katie’s room
LILY: I know you hate him. You never fail to remind me. Trust me, if I could go back in time and listen to you, I would. I know I told you nothing about what happened and now I’m over here crying to you. I know you don’t want to talk about him, but I also know you hate seeing me this way. You have no idea how bad this one hurts… So, please just listen to me. I didn’t even like him from the start. He was the one with the feelings, not me. But how can you tell me you wouldn’t fall in love with someone who checks up on you every second, stays up late for you to make sure you’re okay, plays the guitar to calm you down while you’re having a panic attack? You can’t. I haven’t been cared for this way before. It seemed as if he was programmed to be the exact type of person I have wanted since the age of six. He walked into my life when I was at my worst – and I mean my absolute worst. I had no self-love and no self-worth. He literally met me in between my sets while I was working out. I was so sweaty, Katie. What kind of guy would instantly like a girl who’s sweaty and unstable? Someone who’s genuine and caring, right? Yeah well what I thought was a sweet, sentimental touch became a sharp dagger stabbing me in my heart a million times over and over and over again. You saw how happy I was when he became a big part of my life. I’ve never been so happy. I steered away from my bad habits and the world seemed to be a better place. Katie, I started functioning again. I felt like my old self again. He picked me up and changed me; he fixed me. (Pause.) You know I was assaulted… by that teacher back in middle school. I thought I would never want to interact with a guy again, let alone have a pretty physical relationship. The fear of someone touching me again was off the charts. I remember the moment that pedophile would touch me during class. I couldn’t breathe, I shook, I was scared out of my mind. He should’ve been fired, but hell if the administration ever cared. No one ever does. This boy, the boy I was crazy about, respected that so much. He would make sure I was comfortable every time. So, I started opening up to him. I allowed him to hug me, I allowed him to touch me in ways I haven’t been touched. Things got fairly serious. I became more confident in myself and he built me up. He saw me as his pretty little Barbie doll he could dress and undress whenever he desires. The Barbie doll he could play with at any given moment. Seems to me he got tired of that game. I wasn’t aware that I was playing a game. He decided to just throw his love away, but I needed him in my life. Did you know how much he would comfort me every time? Did you know he was the only one I felt I could talk to about everything and anything? I did so much for this kid. The amount of times I got in trouble for him; I had to lie to my parents. I gave this kid money so that he could get the hoodie he wanted and wrote a whole essay for him for his birthday meanwhile I got nothing in return. I never asked for anything. All I wanted was love, support, and loyalty. I regret wasting my time and showing my skin. I’m not some Greek statue, and you know what, never again. I’m done with this. I’m tired of getting taken advantage of. People just look at me and think “Hey this girl would be awesome to play around with!” I told this to no one Katie. I’ve just been pretending to smile for the past three weeks but I can’t anymore. I tried to hide it from you because I know you hate him with a burning passion, but I just can’t anymore. The funny thing is, every single person who sees me on the street definitely has no idea the pain, suffering, and misery I’ve been through. All they see is a girl who’s optimistic, energetic, and loves life. Haha, they have no idea.
Selected Monologues for May 1, 2021
Character: Haven
Age: 16
Three words to describe this character: misunderstood, passionate, emotional
Setting: In the living room having a conversation with her mother
HAVEN: You know I love you…right? I’m trying… I’m trying. I’m doing this all for you, but I need you to understand that it’s hard. I’m not “lazy,” I’m not “not trying.” I TRY everyday but it’s like you don’t even see my efforts. You just see my failures and take that as an excuse to overlook my success. But isn’t that what you want me to do? Succeed? What’s the point of bragging about me to everyone you know? Saying that I have awards for this and that I’m skilled at that. Why is it that you act like I’m the ONLY child in this family? Did you forget that you have two other kids? Two other kids that have the same opportunities to become “great”, “rich”, and “famous?” I see what you’re trying to do, I know what you’re trying to do… and I love you. And I know I don’t say it often, but I truly love you. But this isn’t motivating me to want to become something great. You say that I’m smart and that I’m talented and I’m trying to be all those things that you want me to be, but I just can’t. I can’t anymore. I know that you just want what’s best for me, and I want that too, but I also want you to be proud of me. Proud of me not because I’m smart or talented or skilled, but proud of me because I’m your daughter. And even if I were all those things, I want you to still know that I will forever be your daughter, and that I will always love you.
Character: Chase
Age: 17
Three words to describe this character: spontaneous, carefree, energetic
Setting: A Guidance Counselor’s office
CHASE: You don’t get it — you have no idea — I have a plan. I just need to go off and have this really interesting life and then write a memoir. You know, capitalize on my life. Family trauma? Memoir. Money is tight? Memoir. Cat dies? MEMOIR! People eat those stories up. I’ll admit, they are usually done by celebrities. (Beat; new idea.) I’ll just become internet famous. It can’t be that hard— idiots do it all the time. YouTube, TikTok, Instagram… At this point, it’s harder to avoid internet fame. And maybe I’ll have some big controversy— (beat; another idea.) What if I get myself canceled? (He checks in with the counselor.) You know what that means, right? Yeah, I’ll get myself canceled! And then maybe I’ll go off to a small French village, and live off of nothing but baguettes and the residual appreciation from my once adoring fans. I’ll meet someone beautiful who knows nothing of the internet or of me, and we’ll ride horses together at dusk — that sounds dangerous — ok, we will ride horses together at a reasonable time in the afternoon. And then I’ll write the dang memoir! I gotta make sure to sprinkle in some fluff about how I’ve grown as a person and how living in isolation and finding romance in the hills of Europe saved my life. (Beat.) And then I’ll get a ton of money, move back to the states, dump the French lover, and I’ll be super rich with three cars and a mansion. Yeah. That’s the dream. So that’s why I haven’t actually — you know — applied to college yet or whatever. My master plan goes far beyond the next four minuscule years of my life. I’m thinking big, here. Maybe you should be taking my advice. I mean- my plan doesn’t involve sitting behind a desk five days a week listening to acne-ridden kids talk about their problems. Seems like a better deal if you ask me. (Beat; a final revelation.) My horse’s name is gonna be Pierre.
Character: Mary Lazarus
Age: 29
Three words to describe this character: tired, compassionate, self-hating
Setting: Too many street corners
MARY: There it is, another city of tents. Do you know how often those tents find a home in my skull? What do you feel when you look at all those starving people? It’s an infection that’s made me spill out every pint of love in my heart, but I never have enough. I wish every day that someone with power would help them, wish that I could be a little more powerful. Then I sit down for a moment’s rest from my daily survival and all I see are my own idle hands.
I know I’ll be there in the tents someday. Not soon, but someday. A slow crawling destiny that feels so inevitable that I now see myself among the broken masses, among the people I’ve failed to help. I just want to scrub every single face clean so I know I’ll never have to see another pair of dirty, pleading eyes until I catch my own reflection in a muddy puddle. Yet I’m too greedy to even give away a spare dollar because I don’t even know if I’ll ever be able to replace it. All I do is sew closed holes in their battered clothing with my mind, and hope that a cold breeze doesn’t come by to prove fiction of my fact. Oh lord, and I’ll never enjoy another winter’s day knowing that every second I spend throwing snowballs is some poor soul’s last throw with life. Dear God! it won’t ever until it still it’s me shivering cold on the pavement, until it’s me shunned by every warm face until I know there isn’t a kind soul on earth and there never will be.
Character: Liana
Age: teenager
Three words to describe this character: caring, understanding, overwhelmed
Setting: This is at school with a friend of hers in the hallway
LIANA: I can’t listen right now! Ok… you think that I’m this perfect friend for everyone, that listens to everyone, people look up too, t-that, I-I don’t know, has never felt I don’t know sad, angry. You always come to me with these problems, and I care, I care so much, but you have no idea how many times I just wanna say shut up because I just can’t take it anymore. I want to listen to you to everyone and help them, a-and I know this sounds selfish, b-but WHY won’t ANYBODY LISTEN TO ME. Yes I know I don’t have strict parents, yes I know I’m the one who pushes to get good grades, yes I know I’m lucky but… I’m always just leverage so people can— can pity themselves! I want attention! You don’t know, NOBODY KNOWS that when I go home I don’t want to do my homework, do you know what I want to do no haha of course you don’t! I want to do nothing and everything at the same time and it’s so overwhelming. I want to cry so so bad but I can’t! I’m terrified of the future I don’t want to go into an office and be useless… I feel like I already am. Do you know what I am, I’m a background character… I-I sometimes even wish bad things would happen to me just so I can get people to be concerned about me and listen to me. Sometimes when I’m upset I don’t want you to go “haha same” or “me too” or “you’re not alone”, I know I’m not alone but… it’s so hard to explain… I’ve talked to you about my mental health issues, but this sounds stupid, it not enough, I-I don’t know. You d-don- ahg just forget. Go ahead continue.
Selected Monologues for April 24, 2021
Character: Jamie
Age: 13
Three words to describe this character: scared, anxious, defensive
Setting: school, around noon, leaving a class
JAMIE: You have no idea what I have to go through once I step out this door. You can’t imagine it. I go home to a family that can’t approve of who I am, what I identify as. And honestly? When you act the same as they do, it doesn’t help. You need to back off. I don’t need more people telling me I don’t belong, that I’m not supposed to be here. That I’m illegal, an alien. Some people avoid me because I’m supposedly a contagious disease.
Everywhere else, people say the United States is the safest, most calm place in the world. No fights, no discrimination of jobs. Tell that to the 3 jobs that said no to me after telling them I identify as non-binary and when I told them I’m Latinx. They told me “no, you don’t speak enough English” and “you’re not valid, get out.” No warning, just the feeling of rejection left in me. I tell my parents that I was rejected, they tell me I’m a disappointment.
You have no idea what it feels like to be different than the “normal” people who live here in the U.S. I have nothing without school. No loving parents. No money. And a bully like you doesn’t deserve my time!
Why are you still here? You want to berate me even more? Tell me I’m stealing your jobs when I can’t even get one? Tell me I need better clothes when I can’t afford them? My parents are rejected credit cards because of their race. And you decide to, what, call me a freak? Get away from me!
Fine. I’ll hear you out. Only because I have been taught better. But if you say anything, ANYTHING, that is offensive to me because of my race or gender identity, you won’t like the consequences. You have no idea what I can and will do. And I promise you, you don’t want to know.
Character: Hana
Age: teenager
Three words to describe this character: emotional, strong. and independent
Setting: Hana’s mind
HANA: Why do you always cry? Will your tears ever dry? WOW, you are so emotional. They make fun of me and then say “don’t take things personal.” I know I can be sensitive sometimes, but it is something I cannot control. I do not want people to pity me, I promise this was never my goal. In every situation, I start to cry, happy, sad, grateful, and even angry. I keep telling myself: “Hold in the tears, be strong, just try.” I feel the tears at the rim of my eyes eager to slip. I just look down and wipe them with my fingertip. “Are you okay?” “Ya, I am fine.” I memorized this line. Gerard Way once said, “tears are words the heart can’t express.” I believe in some cases that might be true. But sometimes I just cry out of the blue, I can’t describe the feeling. It is like I am suffocating but when I cry I am finally breathing. Crying is my emotional release, when I finish I experience this internal peace. Well, this my story. No matter what people say and how hard I try it is something that I always struggled with. I know it might not be a lot compared to what people go through. And I feel very grateful, I really do.
Character: Alton Larkspur
Age: Mid 40s
Three words to describe this character: passionate, guileful, poetic
Setting: A freshly bloodied hotel room tucked away in some anonymous corner of a metropolis
ALTON: You think I don’t get how you’re feeling? Please, I’ve done my fair share of murders too. I know just what you’re feeling. You’re worried someone will catch you. But don’t fret, mon frère! Blood may be thicker than water, but hydrogen peroxide can easily wash blood away! It bubbles and foams, growing thicker with the stench of sins now forgotten. Blood on the blade can be wiped off without a second thought, but the life of a victim tries to stain the place where they died, and pin the mark of Cain on their attacker, seeping into clothing, a red splotch on the white field of innocence. So along comes H₂O₂, to scrub the guilt away.
The death of sin is a beautiful thing. The clear, pure hydrogen peroxide doesn’t merely wash away the evil, no, no, it inflates, it curdles, it blooms into a lovely flower of crimson and cloud! It pulls the sin into itself, takes the blame away from the carpet, the suit, or the dress. It is a guardian angel for the damned and the wicked, for the torturer and the murderer, and for folks like you, who “simply had no other choice”. Our angel forgives you, she knows you have no malice in your heart, and she’s here to help.
Wait wait wait, don’t just go pouring it everywhere! We must be gentle with her. Too much blood and the horror can overwhelm the beautiful little angel, the flower blooms too large, and the dainty wisps of cloud become an overwhelming storm of scarlet. So we’ll just wash away this bathtub of sins with water. Use our angel only for the guilt that lingers in the stuff that remembers. The pages of a book, the silk threads of a shirt, the sheets of a bed. Gently dab the crime away with a paper towel soaked in our savior. Let her kiss the sin and take it in, hold the guilt herself so you don’t have to. Then discard her, and go on with your life, the hydrogen peroxide having absolved you of any and all wrongdoing.
Character: Unnamed
Age: 18
Three words to describe this character: sorry, guilty, critical
Setting: Outside of a funeral home
Do you know how sick it is to bury your own sister? No, you don’t, so please stop trying to make me feel better.
She shouldn’t have gone like that. She was only 16. Maybe if I tried harder she would’ve eaten more. I even know what she was going through, I almost went like that too. God, some people don’t understand the trauma that comes with that. I’m surprised no one noticed when it got bad.
But, for me, it got better. I found someone, someone who cares for me and wants me to be healthy.
Maybe that was her cure, love. Did I not love her enough? I don’t need your validation. I should’ve asked her when I saw those bruises on her spine, or when she said her throat was burning.
How do I even move past this? I will never forget that image of my frail, thin sister with the color stripped out of her skin in that casket. THIS IS SICK! Who convinced my sister that the only way to be beautiful is to be skinnier, thinner, it’s impossible. When you force yourself to throw up that one meal, it doesn’t stop there. You notice your stomach is flatter, your jaw is sharper. You crave more to not crave food.
My sister was beautiful, she was strong. She just needed that one person to tell her that she is beautiful. God, who in this shithole world can be this twisted. Who can warp such a young girl to think that the only acceptable size is a double zero, that the smallest dress was a goal to fit into. You poor girl, rest easy.
Selected Monologues for April 17, 2021
Character: Gwen
Age: 19
Three words to describe this character: wistful, imaginative, curious
Setting: Rural Kentucky in 1963
GWEN: You have no idea how far the clothes blew off their lines that day. I had been up all night through the storm, my chin on the windowsill, wondering how far you’d blown by now. By morning, the clothes had tumbled into old Reverend Dhow’s yard, drowning in his duck pond. A pair of socks made it all the way to Miss Anderson’s, which I found half-scorched halfway down her dusty gravel driveway. It was sunny again by then, the wind and the clouds off to plague another town and its laundry habits. Each garment I picked up was in some state of disrepair or another. Ripped, soaked, torn, stained… charred. I was alone, making my way down that fence-lined road in my yellow Easter dress from three springs ago. Do you remember that dress, Juno? You waited until my Gran was inside to tell me how pretty it looked on me. But it wasn’t so pretty that afternoon, just the only thing of mine that wasn’t halfway across the county. I sure missed you at that moment, missed the way you knew how to drift with me. You would have loved the sky that afternoon, it started at my feet like in the paintings your grandfather made. I didn’t have to look up, didn’t have to crane my neck beyond the nothingness that kept me tethered to the earth like in a child’s drawing. Don’t you still wonder why children draw the sky like that? Like a scraped rim of blue on the top of a page? But it was all just a background for me in my yellow dress. Me in my yellow dress, feeling like a kite against the blue of the March sky. The kite had suddenly become an aeroplane, and every inch of the world that I could see became mine. It could have been our’s, Juno, but you were the kite that snapped free of its string. I know it was cruel for me to hold on as long as I did, holding you so close is what made you break so far away from me… but drifting alone is as terrifying as I imagined it. The hill is quiet without you, Juno. No one loves me like they did when you were around, like I was one half of our shining, beautiful whole. Come back, Juno. Please.
Character: Sarah Quinn
Age: 16
Three words to describe this character: lighthearted, outgoing, sympathetic
Setting: School hallway
SARAH: Me? I have no idea what it’s like to lose someone? You know what, maybe you’re right. Everyone always tells me I’ve had the ideal childhood. And I’m a pretty optimistic person, I always focus on the positive things in my life. Great parents, good opportunities. A best friend that’s always been there for me, who I’ve played with and laughed with and gossiped with since third grade. We can’t go two days without texting or calling each other; we need to tell each other everything, no matter how small. Everyone says we’re basically attached at the hip, and they’re probably right. I mean, my life is amazing. One time, someone told me I was so lucky to have such a wonderful life, but I should still treasure it, because things can change on a dime. Well, i thought, because I had such a good life, nothing bad would ever happen to me, right?
But then I got the call.
It was just a normal evening, I guess. I was upstairs, doing homework or something, not really paying attention. My phone rung, so I picked it up. And… and I hear what sounds like crying. I was so confused. Who’s calling me, crying, at 6:00 on a school night? But then her voice registers. It’s-it’s his mom.
(Beat.)
And… and she says he-he’s…
(She starts crying, but not full-on bawling yet.)
She tells me, “he’s g-gone.” I remember saying “I don’t understand.” She says “Trevor… killed himself last night, Sarah.” I didn’t know what to do. I think I dropped my phone, because I heard a crack and my mom came rushing in. I froze, just shut down. I felt… empty, almost. Well, not empty… but more… numb. It was a strange kind of pain; not the passing pain of a stomachache, but the kind of confusing pain that lingers. The kind of pain where you don’t know what’ll happen, but you know you’ll never be the same.
(She pauses for a moment, wipes her eyes a little, deliberates on what to say next, and continues.)
I still remember how my mom came rushing in. I don’t know how she knew something was wrong. I guess it’s that motherly instinct. I distinctly remember her face, even if the rest of the day was a blur: it was almost pity, but not quite — there was this gentleness in her eyes that I’d never seen before… it was like she knew how delicate this situation was, and she knew, deep down in her heart, there wasn’t anything she could do to help me. I really don’t think mom, or anyone else, knew how I was gonna react. And, I mean, I didn’t either. It’s not every day you find out that your best friend since third grade d-died. Apparently, I just stayed in my room all night, in total denial, I guess. Then Mariana — his mom — brought over his-his… note. A-after I read it, I just broke down.
Reading the words he wrote, how he said he felt like he couldn’t show his true self, how he had to, how he had to hide? it was-it was just, i saw a different side of him i had never seen before.
(Tears start to stream again, building in intensity as she speaks.)
Like, I had known him for almost ten years, but I guess I hadn’t known him. I, I didn’t know he was struggling like that, you know? Just, everything he said —
“Why didn’t I open up to you? Well, to be honest, I was afraid you’d hate me. I was afraid I’d lose my one true friend. The one friend who I played with, gossiped with, sang with, cried with. Even though the tiny rational part of me knew you wouldn’t freak out, everything else in me said otherwise. I just couldn’t lose you, Sarah. I hope you forgive me one day. I love you.”
(Her voice cracks here, and she’s finally overcome with her grief. She breaks down, tears streaming violently down her face. It is as if we can see her physically breaking in two – before and after. But she doesn’t let us see this for long – she quickly tries to collect herself, wiping the tears off of her face.)
So don’t ever tell me that I don’t know what it’s like to lose someone. Because I do.
Character: Julianna
Age: 15
Three words to describe this character: passionate, strong, intelligent
Setting: Inside of a high school in a room with a teenage boy
JULIANNA: You have no idea what it’s like being a female. And you never will which is ok. What’s not ok is to ignore what we’re saying. So let me speak for just about every female on this Earth, which I will remind you is half of the human population. People’s first argument is usually, “but not all men!”. And you’re right. It’s not all men. But it’s enough. It’s enough men to have to carry a weapon on my person at all times. It’s enough men to put my keys between my fingers. It’s enough men for me to carry pepper spray. It’s enough men I need to tell at least two people where I’m going, who I’m with, and when I get home. It’s enough men for me to worry if my outfit is an invitation. It’s enough men for me to fear having to call 911 to “order a pizza.” It’s enough men for me to fear simply sitting in a room alone with one. It’s enough men for me to simply be terrified of them. Something else I’ve learned is that some men say “I’ve never taken advantage of a girl” to get praise. What do you want me to say to that? Congratulations for doing the bare minimum? By definition feminism isn’t trying to be better than men. It’s trying to be equal. And no. Women are not equal to men. It’s just a fact. No, women do not have it easier than men. It’s just a fact. So please, don’t you dare try to tell me you know what it’s like because you don’t. Next time, instead of trying to put women down for talking about their struggles, pull them up beside you. Not above you, not below you. Beside you. Where we belong. I could try to explain to you all day every single thing me and so many other women have been through but I’d be here for weeks. No. It’s not all men. But it is enough men to make me feel the need to say this at the age of 15. Pretty sick world don’t you think?
Selected Monologues for April 10
Character: Chester (Chess) James
Age: 19
Three words to describe this character: Lost, prideful, washed up
Setting: Outside of a high-class club in New York City
CHESS: You have no idea. You have absolutely no idea. You have absolutely no semblance of an idea of what I’m thinking right now. You’re constantly trying to psychoanalyze me and diagnose me like some kind of therapist, and tell me how I’m feeling. I don’t need your help anymore. I don’t. I’m fine. I’ve been fine. I am going to be fine. And you don’t know what I’m thinking… I know you’re worried about me or whatever but I can take care of myself. I’m a grown woman. I am not that little girl anymore. and you hate me for that. No, admit it. You only loved me because I was an innocent little girl who didn’t know any better. Now that I can actually think for myself and I don’t need you, you act like I’ve gone completely off the rails. Okay, yes, I’ve been smoking, it’s not a big deal. Stop that, stop looking at me like that. Stop looking at me like I’m some goddamn wounded puppy. Why won’t you respect me? I’m building my brand! I’m networking! I’m doing everything you taught me. But you’re still not happy, huh? Is it because I let go of that baby girl nymphet act? and now the world sees a more genuine me? Or do you just not like that I’ve grown up? You make me sick. I can’t believe i was so stupid to actually admire you. You’re just some sick washed up bastard with nothing better to do than prey on innocent little girls with dreams of being a star. Thats what happened to the last one isn’t it? The girl before me? Yeah, I did some research, turns out her little trip to rehab wasn’t her own decision, and guess who locked her in there? No go on, guess… You lied to me, you lied to my face. You lied to my stupid little pretty face. It’s some sick fetish isn’t it? You find girls like me, you give them hope, pump them full of drugs, promise them fame and fortune. you throw them into the lions’ den and then abandon them as soon as they get bitten… I’m going to LA, and I won’t be back until after summer. Good luck you filthy bastard.
Character: Bruno Amzil
Age: 56
Three words to describe this character: courageous, determined, veteran
Setting: A group therapy room
BRUNO: Hi, I’m Bruno. I set sail six years ago now. I… had no idea how hard it would be. The task seemed easy at first, well, easy as the voyage could be: sail from New York through the North Atlantic, make a stop at Santa Cruz Das Flores, and finish in Casablanca in Morocco. Unfortunately, a while after leaving New York, I got a weather report of a small storm a hundred miles off, in a low-pressure system, but tracking southwest. Whilst there were no worries of the storm hitting us as my ship was sailing quickly, the next day I decided to alter my course southeast. In the afternoon, another weather report came in, saying that the little storm a hundred miles off our course was now categorized as a hurricane, and that its size was twenty times bigger. I put out a message to the coast guard an hour before it hit, and never got a chance to make another one afterwards. Worst part was, I was in the Bermuda Triangle. You start to think the legends are true, all the sunken ships, never to be found. That’s gonna be you. Even trying to seek refuge in the Bahamas was useless as the storm was now heading straight south. I had only one option. (Beat.) I remember the feeling of looking up at a wave, seeming more of a water demon, with both of my hands on the frozen rails, waiting for that moment of complete silence before the crash. I quickly lost my confidence in my ability to make it through the storm. The other thing I lost… was Tony. He was the only companion I had. There was a huge wave coming towards us, and the only thing I could do was head right for it. Full speed I went, and the boat tipped more and more… it reached the top of the wave, 80 degrees up. I had forgotten to lock the cabin door, been running around the boat… (Beat.) I should’ve replaced that damn door when I had the chance. It opened towards the exterior, and Tony was pressed against it… so he fell. He hit the mast, his blood smeared all over the boat… and he went straight into the ocean. (Beat.) Poor dog. (Beat.) After the storm passed, I slowly turned into a walking dead, or at least my mind did. The rest of the trip to Santa Cruz ended up being a month more than I had planned. Having nightmares every night, pumping blood-stained water endlessly. You find no protection in the sea. Once you become vulnerable, the water takes advantage of you. I ended up staying four months in Santa Cruz instead of a day because I was too afraid to set sail again. The people there helped me recover, got my mind off the voyage. I met Jessica, fell in love. After a while, I got myself to finish the voyage. I brought Jessica along, and we landed here. We had a baby, I took a job. All was well until I met some friends at the bars. Started hanging out with them more and more, drank too much. I wasn’t strong enough, and I fell apart. Didn’t show up to work, stopped bringing money in, broke my relationship, got divorced and lost my parental right. (Clears throat.) I now realize that you have no idea what’s coming your way. You just have to stay on top of the wave. I’m ready to change my life around. Thank you.
Character: Adora
Age: 17
Three words to describe this character: optimistic, extroverted and unsure
Setting: At a park with friends, speaking in her head.
ADORA: You have no idea… How happy I’m feeling right now! seeing all of my friends hanging out together with me like this. Moments like these make me appreciate the fact that there are people who care about me. Why would anyone want a relationship when you have best friends that love and care about you just as much as you do to them. I never really wanted a romantic relationship if I’m being honest. I am perfectly content with what I have now but I understand why someone would want a relationship like that, you know going on dates and telling each other how much you love one another. It all seems nice but I don’t feel the need to go looking for one instead I just look forward to the days I get to spend time with my friends. Though it’s jarring sometimes when people tell me how it’s strange or even sad how I haven’t been in a relationship OR when all of your friends don’t have time to do something because they have a date that day or their partner just shows up and whisks them away, I stand here wondering if there is something wrong with me? Should I be… Everyone else around me is either getting into a relationship or is out looking for one, while I’m here just (pause) I don’t know, just here I guess living my life. As unsure of romantic relationships as I am, I think I’ll be okay.
Selected Monologues for March 20, 2021
Character: Kyle
Age: 15
Three words to describe this character: purposeful, responsible, dreamy, lonely
Setting: Headmaster’s office
KYLE: Am I not trying hard enough? Isn’t that enough? Seriously?
Do you want to know why I fell asleep in class today, Mr. Fitch? Because yesterday, after school, I went to a rehearsal at the theater, where I plowed to look decent at the play. Then I went to the gym because I wanna look better than I am now. I got home at nine in the evening, then I took a shower and immediately sat down to this homework. The teachers don’t ask me if I can do it all, or if I should do it all at all. They just think that their subject is the most important, and everyone should know it. As a result, after spending more than three hours on my homework, I fell asleep right at my desk. I have to wake up at 5 AM to finish reading a book and to write an essay for my college. And was it even necessary to spend so much time on advanced mathematics yesterday?
What if I have already chosen my profession? Mr. Fitch, I’m going to be an actor. I want to be an actor from the age of seven! At the age of nine, my dream became my goal…
Why are you laughing? Oh… right this is not serious…I see…
Well listen to me, I understand that maybe I will not play in Hollywood films, and maybe I will only perform in small theaters at all. Maybe my wage will be very small. But if I can at least pay my rent, it will be a success for me.
I was told a lot of things, offered to find a more serious job, to think about the future. Adults told me that it is just a child game. The guys in my class call me a clown, because of it. But no matter how much I had to hear this chatter, I remained true to my cause. I grew up on the stage, this is my second home without which I can not. And you’re saying I need an A in biology? Let the whole world turn away from me, I will go to my dream.
You taught us that no matter what you should always be faithful to yourself and your dreams. So why I should waste my whole time to have perfect marks? What about my personality? Because I don’t feel any happier while I’m reading a new script or digging into my character’s soul and thoughts. I feel free while standing under the light of the soffit. I want to be the one that motivates people. I want to be an example for guys like me now. I’ve lost so much by preferring an extra hour in rehearsal or an extra time where I can finish reading the book that the play is based on.
God… you have no idea… how tired I am of going to this school every day and hearing you say “You can do it better!” or “Why don’t you try?” You have no idea how hard I try every damn day. You have no idea how much I want to act in the theater or that in my dream I am shooting in the movie. You can’t imagine how I fear at night that I won’t do it and that all my efforts are in vain. And you have no idea how much I love being an actor.
One day, I’ll thank you, Mr. Fitch. I will be grateful for you listening to me.
Character: Olivia/Olive
Age: 14-18
Three words to describe this character: strong, passionate, caring
Setting: A living room
OLIVIA/OLIVE: How could you understand? You couldn’t and I don’t expect you too. How could I expect someone to understand why reading has become the life source it is to me? In my hands all you see is ink and pages, a name and a time waster. In many ways we are the same, in eyes and hair, but in love, we differ greatly. You, mother, who sits on a laptop all day long staring at pixels until her eyes go red. You, that finds comfort in quiet Sundays and rest in dreamless nights. My Sundays are filled with stories of magic and dreams of riding on the backs of dragons. You have to ride a rollercoaster or jump off a cliff to feel like your flying. While I can travel the world and simply move a page. A new series is an adventure unknown, and a book I have read a hundred times is like an old friend. You find love in a fresh cup of coffee and I find it basking in the sunlight of a world I only know in my mind. So please mother, let me escape. I find no comfort in this world of normal and plain, of bullies and boys. Where the greatest joy I could find in my life is retirement and a quiet end. No, how could I be happy in a world that only gift to me was a hard covered spin and a brilliant author? So I will sit here, enjoying my world that has taught me how to fly.
Character: Sonny
Age: 16
Three words to describe this character: Anxious, irresponsible, panicked
Setting: Bedroom
SONNY: You have no idea what I just got myself into. Me and brother were standing on the porch banging on the front door. After waiting a while, no one answered. I got ready to walk back home, but then I saw my brother opening the fence to their back yard. I went into a panic. What was he thinking?! I was thinking, what if they come home? What if the other neighbors see us? What if they have a big, drooling, flesh eating dog in their back yard? I started to warn my brother of all the things that could go wrong but he just brushed it off with a giggle. A giggle! This is border line breaking and entering and you giggle! Not to mention, he was taking his precious time! So I took initiative into my own hands. Once my brother opened the gate, I ran in to the back yard as fast as I could. I looked around everywhere. Then finally! There it was! The basketball that we had thrown over the fence. I grabbed it and jolted it over the fence into our yard. I should’ve went about the next few events very differently, but you can’t blame me. The adrenaline was coursing through my body causing my thinking to be impaired. I ran out of their yard yelling “LETS GO, LETS GO” very loudly. So loudly that I caught the attention of old man taking his afternoon stroll. He started coming my way and then yelled, “What are you guys doing over there!” I panicked. There was nothing else to do in my mind. So I ran back into their backyard leaped straight at the fence. I sprung both my feet onto to the fence and grabbed on. I don’t know why I had so much confidence to make it over. They had a very tall fence. So now you might be thinking, how’d you get out of this one? Well… we didn’t. The man walked into the back yard and caught me hanging there like an idiot. So please don’t mention it if you see me and my brother doing our neighbors yard work for the next month.
Selected Monologues for March 13, 2021
Character: Ivy
Age: 16
Three words to describe this character: Hurt, Distant, and Emotionally unstable
Setting: At home
IVY: You have no idea how he makes me feel, but that’s only because you have no idea how you make me feel. There are people in this world that you love and people that you are forced to love because hate and envy kills you. Well, you are someone I am forced to love, someone who thinks he’s a benefit in my life when he is actually slowly ripping me apart, but not him, he is someone I truly love. Someone who has been there for me through whatever. Someone who I can tell anything, but talking to you is like poking a bear. I always wonder why you are so angry, but if I ask… well, you know. Not him though, he’s my safe place, where I go to get away from life and all the pain it comes with. I know I’ve done things to hurt him and that is one of my biggest regrets. Life comes with ups and downs, you just choose who you wanna go on that roller coaster with… you’re not the person I choose. I choose him. I will always choose him, he’s my person. You won’t even accept the fact that you were never there for me, I was always there for you. When she left you, I stayed, but everyone else walked out on you. That will never be something you appreciate. You will never say you are proud of me and all my accomplishments. It’s always, “but you didn’t do it yet,” it’s never “I’m so proud of how far you have come.” I wonder how you would react if I walked out, what you would do without me? You act like I’m your biggest disappointment like you are ashamed of me. Nothing will ever be enough for you or anyone. You will never be proud of me. I have come to accept that, but I will never understand why… Why do you say you love me and treat me like you hate me? Why in front of other people, you make it seem like you’re the best person on earth, but behind closed doors you can be considered a demon? Why will I never be good enough…
Character: Marisol
Age: 16
Three words to describe this character: Determined, Strong, Sensitive
Setting: High School Councilors Office
MARISOL: I know why you called me in here and it’s pointless. I don’t need any help. If you wanted to help someone so badly then you should have helped her. Tell me something. Did you actually care or were you just doing your job? I mean did not hear the name calling in the halls? Did you not see her tears when she came to you? Did you not ever wonder why there was a fight between her and those other girls? You did. I know you did. This school was too prejudice to care about her. I bet you would have helped her if her skin wasn’t so dark. Did you know one of the staff members here quit because she’s Mexican? Some of the staff even called her a gang member. A gang member! She was eleven! An eleven-year-old little girl that loved to make slime, do jujitsu, and create things with whatever she had. Someone who would smile widely every time I would come visit or she would. I remember how we would write songs or skits and perform them to the family. Do you know those challenges where you would blindfold the other person and they would taste test a few things and have to guess what that item was? That was our favorite game. I think the best moments were when she and I would sneak into my uncles or her grandfathers music studio and play with the instruments. And now she’s gone. I can’t have any of those moments back. I don’t get to go to the lake with her and race her to see who’s the fastest swimmer. I don’t get to laugh, tease, or even fight with her all because you did nothing! You’re just like them! You don’t listen and help us out when we need you! When she needed you! You say that you get it and you understand but you don’t. You don’t know what it’s like to lose somebody so young and so close to you. Sure you’re here now, but where were you when she was in trouble? When she cried out for help and you just brushed it off like it was some dust on your shoulder! Don’t tell me that there’s a system! I know about the school polices and let me tell you those policies are trash. That system is rigged! You say your precious school administration works so well then tell me why did she kill herself? Our hearts go out to you? That a load of crap because if it did then this wouldn’t have happened. You have no idea what it’s like to lose someone you love so much to something that could have been prevented. You all took her away from not just me but all of our family too. That’s something that you all will have to live with forever and I’m glad, because maybe now there will be changes. She was here and now she’s gone. There’s no getting her back. (Pause.) That’s the last bell. Goodbye..
Character: Thomas Daniels
Age: 18
Three words to describe this character: lonely, wise, and sincere
Setting: A crowded mall
THOMAS: You don’t know how hard it was for me that day when reality hit. My realization being that I am alone in this world. I have family and friends sure, but this loneliness came about when I realized at a young age how easy it was for someone to die and leave you. When I realized friendships were built on trust and yet trust was something easily broken. What event in my life caused this disturbing lack of sociability? To tell you the truth it started when I was nothing but a child thinking he was unstoppable. I lived thinking my life was never going to change. Yet, life doesn’t always go as unchanging as we expect. I know from experience because on that day I was with my mother. I was grasping onto her hand begrudgingly while my moments with her were fleeting. In an instance she was gone. She slipped through my fingertips into the unknown leaving me behind for what felt like forever. How could this happen? Why me? Why did it have to be me? As much as I questioned reality, I knew the truth even then. That life wasn’t made to last. We are meant to be alone and leave everyone we hold dear for at least one moment of lives so that we can experience the new natural state of our world without the influence of others. We have to be alone to learn for ourselves what it is like to live. It’s a cycle we rarely recognize and yet one that happens in common everyday life. It can happen when you least expect just like how it happened to me on that fateful day when I got lost in the mall.
Character: Sadie
Age: 18
Three words to describe this character: frustrated, reminiscent, resentful
Setting: Sadie just got in another fight with her brother
SADIE: Stop! Just stop! I cant listen to you anymore. My head is going to explode! (Pause.) What happened between us?! Remember when we were kids? We were like Hansel and Gretel. Absolutely inseparable. You were the person I looked up to most in the whole world. I wanted to be you. I wanted to make you proud. Remember that time we were playing tag, when you were chasing me and I fell on that red chair, then my tooth came out? Jesus, the look on your face. You were so worried that I was hurt, and kept apologizing to me. I never understood why you kept saying sorry, I was never mad. How could I be? I loved you so much, the thought of being mad at you never crossed my mind. In fact, I wanted to play tag again. Or maybe have a dance party, and jump on the bed in secret, cause mom and dad told us not to. If everything in my life fell apart, I would still be happy because I had you next to me. My Hansel. When did you stop loving me? When did you start resenting me? What did I say? What did I do? We were supposed to take on the world together. But you left. You grew up and entered the real world without me. I guess you forgot to grab my hand, or maybe you just didn’t want to. How was it so easy for you to leave me? I wish it was that easy for me. To forget how much I loved you, or how much you meant to me. I bet you LOVE the fact that you are stronger than I am, that you care less than I do. Good for you! I don’t need you! I’ve learned how to live without you by my side. Honestly, I’m better off without you.
Selected Monologues for February 20, 2021
Character: Dylan
Age: 17
Three words to describe this character: strong, compassionate, grieving
Setting: Sitting with alone on the beach, after Sage’s funeral.
(Sage’s mother approaches DYLAN and hands him a pink envelope with his name written in cursive. Once she walks away, he opens the envelope, takes out a letter, and begins to read it.)
DYLAN: Anxiety is a battle that no one is ever prepared to fight, and we are all designed to lose. I grew up thinking I was invincible. As a kid, I would run around with a hot-pink cape and I would create scenarios where I was the hero. And, one day, I woke up and the cape was gone. For the first time, I was vulnerable. I was the one who needed to be saved, but not from a super villain, from myself. Who knew that Sage the Great would have to be saved, from herself? But your mind is the greatest villain you would ever have to fight. It captured me when I was vulnerable, and tortured me, letting my greatest insecurities loose. And, because I was young and naive, I thought I was strong enough to fight that war alone. I spent days going to yoga to find clarity, drank disgusting herbal teas, and dedicated dozens of journals to releasing these thoughts. Nothing worked. Why? Because I was alone. Anxiety is a monster, who feeds on insecurities, worry, and loneliness. And in my many attempts to slay this monster, I fed it and made it stronger. Until I met you. You were fearless, hopeful, and free. You had no idea what it was like to be trapped and alone. When I was weak, you made me strong. If I felt alone, you rushed to my side. You are everything my monster feared, the light that would save me. But, you will never know that you were the key that would unlock the cage I was held in.
Thank you Dylan. I love you.
(DYLAN places the letter back in the envelope and begins to cry.)
Character: Jameela
Age: 16
Three words to describe this character: jealous, resilient, kind
Setting: Jameela’s bedroom
JAMEELA: I never thought about my body the way I think about it now. I had only started to care about how I looked like when I overheard this stupid group of boys in fourth grade say I was fat. That word, fat felt like the sharpest slap across the face. It still makes me gag. For six years I have been trying to lose weight. I remember throwing pennies in wells, or wishing on my birthday candles for some magical force of nature to just make me skinny. That was my biggest goal at age 11. (She laughs at the absurdity of it all.) You have no idea what it feels like to want to rip off your skin. To just slice off parts of yourself. That’s how I feel. All the time. When I look at you all I see is everything I’m not. And you’re my best friend. My best friend in the whole world. It isn’t your fault that I feel this way. But, god do I wish I didn’t. I wish I had your tiny waist and flat stomach and perfect jawline. I wish I was skinny.
(Beat.)
Don’t do that, don’t pity me. I don’t want your pity. I just… I just need you to listen right now, okay?
(Beat.)
You know, I could look at any person on this planet and truly tell them that they are beautiful. I could see anyone’s body and not have a single critique or negative opinion go through my head. But when I look in the mirror I shut down. I just can’t do it. I can’t pretend I feel beautiful, because I don’t. I can’t pretend that I am beautiful either, because I’m not.
Character: Unnamed
Age: 23
Three words to describe this character: worried, relieved, panicky
He asked me if I trusted him. I told him yes but as soon as I said that he asked me another question. He asked me if he thought he loved me. I said, of course, I mean he wouldn’t have started dating me if he didn’t love me, right? He looked at me dead in the eyes and said, “Silly girl, did you think I actually loved you all this time?” Tears streamed from my eyes, down my flushed red cheeks. I felt like I couldn’t breathe. I was in shock. I was dating a man for over three years, thinking this was the man I was going to marry only to have him tell me that he never loved me. Was I that blind? Was this really happening or was it just happening inside my head? I thought he was going to propose to me tonight, not tell me that he didn’t love me. Just as I was about to speak, my alarm went off. The man who said he didn’t love me in my dream was laying next to me in bed. We were both wearing our wedding rings. It was all a dream. I have been married to this man for six months and he would never betray me and say he didn’t love me! Why did my dream…. well, nightmare, tell me he didn’t love me and that he was faking it the whole time? I keep reminding myself that it was just a nightmare, that he loves me, that he married me because he loves me. But I just can’t get that image of him from my nightmare out of my mind, that image of him telling me he never loved me.
Selected Monologues for February 13, 2021
Character: Joseph Krakowski
Age: 50s
Three words to describe this character: smart, able, empathetic
Setting: A high-end office
JOSEPH: Our starts were almost identical. We were so similar; that when we were seen together, people had often mistaken us for siblings. We were also similarly poor. Our parents sometimes couldn’t afford to feed both themselves and us, we both were told later in our teenage years that there were times without heat, water, or electricity. Thankfully not all at the same time, but I digress. When we first met in elementary, we both were in the fiction area of the library. When we began to talk about each other, we realized that despite living in the same building, we never had the time to explore and meet each other. We were so poor that we were not able to get to know someone who lived a mere 30 feet apart from us. Despite this, we had through luck and hard work were able to graduate high school, then college, with the help of some social programs.
(Pause.)
Look at us now; successful politicians; look at this office, this bookshelf right here! All of these books here cost more than the clothes that we once wore and all the stuff we owned when we were kids. It was so difficult back then for us. So why would you help deny policies that would prevent such a story from happening to other kids now? Don’t interrupt me. You already do more than your fair share. You have no idea what it feels like to look at the person you’ve known practically your whole life and think “Is this the same person I’ve grown up with?” Did you forget what you’ve gone through as a kid, what We have gone through? Why would you help prop up a system that strives to cause inequality and inequity among the people? Why would you doom many more children to repeat what we have endured, but without the safety nets provided by programs created for the benefit of the masses? For the profit of the upper classes? Don’t call those who care about others instead of themselves evil.
Character: Braeden
Age: 16
Three words to describe this character: loving, selfless, compassionate
Setting: A busy household in which a younger brother has been diagnosed with a terminal heart disease and requires immediate transplant.
BRAEDEN: It feels like so long since I’ve seen Jeoffry. He and I spent practically our whole lives together. Growing up in a family of eight, neglect from our mom and dad wasn’t an uncommon thing, but we made it work. We would entertain one another, share our toys, our console controller, our favorite books, everything. We were more than just brothers. We were best friends… My world was turned upside down when Jeoffry was diagnosed with coronary artery disease. For a bit of context, this was a couple of winters ago; my dad was diagnosed with type two diabetes right out of high school, but as far as we knew it wasn’t passed down to me or any of my siblings, except for, well, Jeoffry. When we heard he had C.A.D. we knew we had to get him help quickly. He didn’t have the healthy immune system necessary to maintain an artificial heart, so we needed a transplant, stat. After days of searching to no avail we were running out of time. I knew it had to be me. I was the closest available relative with the same blood type as Jeoffry, and I was in a stable enough condition that I could withstand exchanging my own heart of flesh with one of plastic and ceramic. On the ninth hour of Christmas Eve, we walked out of the hospital together; the surgery was a success! Jeoffry was returned to his healthy, happy self. I was healthy, but something was different, something was missing. Yes, my heart, but along with it left something almost vital. I wasn’t happy; I wasn’t sad either, grant you. But rather, I felt a sort of blankness. A sort of white noise where my compassion used to reside. My best friend was back beside me, but nothing. “This isn’t right,” I told myself. After we got home, all I could do was look around at all the faces around me; they were relieved, excited, happy we were home. They were faces filled with emotion, all faces with something I couldn’t show. I couldn’t bear to be around them, to be around anybody. So I shut myself away, the monotone pulse in my chest was my only company for what felt like forever. I lay on my bedroom floor, alone and blank as the faint melody of Wham!’s “Last Christmas” crept under my bedroom door from the downstairs living room; the finishing note of the winter holidays.
Character: Christian
Age: 17
Three words to describe this character: intelligent, underestimated, overlooked
Setting: On a Zoom call for a school somewhere in middle America, there is a discussion in Senior Humanities about the Black Lives Matter movement.
CHRISTIAN: Jake, just stop man. Alright, cause you honestly have no idea what it’s like to be me. A person of color- a Black man in this world right now. (Beat.) Look. Look at the way all of you are staring at me through this screen right now. Startled because the Black kid is talking, because the Black kid is angry, and Black people aren’t allowed to be angry without being labeled ghetto, right? (Beat.) You all want to be actively anti-racist when it benefits you. When it comes time to repost a black square on your feed or change your bio to #blm y’all are the first to do that, but let’s be honest half of you do it just for the clout. (Jake tries to talk over him in the Zoom call. Beat.) Jake, stop, and listen. I know it must be hard to listen to someone other than yourself, but right now that’s what America needs to do. Listen. Empathize. I get that’s not what you meant by your comment, but everyone right now needs to know, no one in this goddamn place understands what it’s like to be the only Black kid in this school. To be the first one everyone side-eyes when slavery is talked about or being the first one to be blamed when something gets stolen. And I don’t even expect you guys to understand what it’s like to have to grow up faster in a world that doesn’t love you. (Out of the corner of Christian’s eyes, he reads the newest comment in the chat. Beat.) Ah, I see what you wrote in the chat Jake. I should just “work harder.” See that’s the problem with guys like you. You assume that I’m not already working ten times harder than you and that systemic racism doesn’t exist. Get out of that bubble of white privilege and see the real America. You want to educate yourself? Be a better supporter? Of all Black lives? Then actually listen to our voices! (Beat.) And disclaimer, because I’m sure at least one of you is recording this, I am unapologetically Black. No matter what you all think or say about me after today, hell not even after whatever Trump tweets tomorrow, nothing will make me feel bad about being Black. I’m not sorry the color of my skin bothers you, but I’m sorry for how much your ignorance blinds you.
Selected Monologues for February 6, 2021
Character: Samuel/Samuelle
Age: mid-twenties
Three words to describe this character: traumatized, stubborn, witty
Setting: A memorial service one year after the war
SAMUEL/SAMUELLE: No no no, you don’t get to judge me. You don’t get to come here and stare at me like that and judge me. You know nothing. Absolutely nothing. You weren’t there, with the blood and the bodies, trying to get out. I-I was just trying to survive. You sat in your gold chair, in your gold palace, eating peeled grapes, while me and mine had to fight your war. Some stupid war over land. You commemorate your heroes by throwing a memorial at the last battlefield, but judge me for doing what I had to do? Just cause I survived? And take all the credit along the way?
I saw that army. I saw how big it was. I knew winning was a long shot. I did what I had to do to win. So that more young and innocent kids didn’t have to suffer. Suffer the way I did, the way my family did.
(A sarcastic chuckle.)
We were pawns on your toy map.
(Beat.)
Don’t look at me like that. Stop it. You and your [mocking] noble blood doesn’t mean you are better than us. So stop acting like it. Yes, I did something horrible, yes what I did killed everyone. But at least I wasn’t a coward who sat behind in their cushy chair, playing general.
(Raising voice.)
I did what I had to do. I made a split second decision. I didn’t have the luxury of time or-or safety. Not like you nobles did behind walls of-of fortresses.
(Softer.)
I did what I had to do. You don’t get to judge me. You don’t get to have an opinion. So leave me alone. You’ve done enough.
(Exits.)
Character: Mia
Age: 16
Three words to describe this character: anxious, awkward, headstrong
Setting: a small town in Eastern North America
MIA: What do you want? No, don’t try to apologize, it’s too late, you’ve done this too many times. (Beat.) You’re sorry? That’s what you say every time. Every party we go to it ends the same. You beg me to come with you, I say no, you keep bothering me, I say yes, and when we get there you get wasted, and what do you do? You go find some guy to make out with in the corner, leaving me alone with people who I don’t know and quite frankly don’t want to. No, you don’t get it, Ashley, you don’t understand what it’s like to go to a party, and get abandoned to be left with a bunch of creeps whose entire goal in life seems to be to get drunk, stoned, laid, or all three! You have no idea what it’s like to be stuck with a bunch of people who terrify you and be abandoned by the one person you thought you could trust. It was you and me against the world remember? Ashley and Mia together forever. I guess it turned into Ashley and Mia together forever, until Ashley decides that she would rather find some hot guy to make out with. (Laughs bitterly.) I went for you, I stayed for you, I did something that terrified me for you, and I keep doing it expecting a different outcome every time! But, you know what, there never is, and I’m done. I! Am! Done! I am done with being forgotten and ignored, and I am done putting up with all your problems! Save it Ashley, I don’t want to hear it! Don’t text me, don’t come to my house, definitely don’t call me, we’re done. Goodbye Ashley.
Character: Jane
Age: 17
Three words to describe this character: afraid, unhinged, dangerous
Setting: The basement of Jane’s house after the local hospital exploded and a creature escaped.
JANE: You don’t understand how it feels to have this thing inside of you. Ever since the explosion, I feel like there is this fire burning in my blood. Its venom pools at the pit of my stomach, and I don’t know how to get it out. You have no idea how much pain I’m in. It takes all of my strength not to explode, I feel like I’m going insane! Whatever was in that room is now in me, and it’s changing me. Look at my hands. They’ve done such horrible deeds, and the sick thing is I wanted to do them. It made me like it. My thoughts are no longer my own! It has a voice, and it influences my thoughts. I wasn’t going to tell anyone this. (Beat.) I was going to kill someone at the party last night. Don’t look at me like that! It wasn’t really me, it’s whatever this thing is! I wish I could just shove my hand into my chest and rip it out. Its like being possessed except I’m fully aware of what I’m doing. The thing is just so… persuasive. Oh God, I’m becoming a monster! No, don’t come near me, I can feel it stirring. I don’t want to hurt you. If I hurt you, I would live forever in regret. You are the only person who still loves me, after everything I’ve done. I’ve hurt so many people. And I enjoyed doing it. That’s what scares me. I need to get it out. Please, I’m begging you, help me! No, stop. I’m not talking to you! Sorry, I got confused… It’s awake.
Selected Monologues for January 23, 2021
Character: Luke
Age: 15
Three words to describe this character: protective, mature, confused
Setting: Luke’s bedroom
LUKE: You have no idea how it feels. You have no idea what it feels like to live in constant anticipation, constant longing, constant hope. I’ve lived everyday waiting for you to return. I tried to stop you last time, but it was no use. “Duty calls,” you would say. “Duty calls.” What duty are you referring to? What duty could be more important than us? They say a father’s number one duty is his family; his children. But no. You’d rather feel like a hero… you experience every single day waiting for that one exciting thing to happen… that story to tell that will make everyone praise you. You’re willing to die, to take a bullet, but you can’t even think of returning so we can go sledding down the hill in the park again. You say that you have to. Do you really have to? What if I told you that you had to stay with us. Would you listen? Does “having to do something” really matter if the words don’t come out of your mouth? You have no idea what it feels like to live with a constant fire burning in your chest… a bright orange fire… a hopeful fire. As time goes on that fire begins to smolder, it starts turning a darker red by the day until it’s nothing but smoldering anger waiting to be released at the right moment. God forbid you’re the one to experience that. How do you feel? Do you miss us? Do you really care? Or are you just sitting around a campfire with your soldier buddies telling stories about dangerous expeditions and battles? Mom’s on the verge of losing her sanity. She tries not to show it but you can tell. You can see it in her eyes; you can hear her cry at night. I can’t imagine. She tries to balance our school with her work and our social lives with hers but it’s just too much. Your kids are growing up without a father… I have to constantly lie to Lily. I have to tell her that her Daddy is on a secret mission like Gru from Minions, and that he’ll be back soon. Minions is her favorite movie by the way. You wouldn’t know that. She thinks it’s cool… but just you wait until she grows up and realizes what’s really going on. She’ll find out eventually you know. I wonder if you want to come home. I wonder if you are upset as well… probably not. I’m the one waiting, after all. I’m the one who cares. I wonder why I still care. It’s… I just can’t accept it. That red fire still has a little bit of orange in it. I try to preserve it but I don’t know how much longer I can. (Pause.) Sorry. I got mad. I didn’t mean it… forgive me Dad. Just, please come back soon.
Character: Rebecca
Age: 16
Three words to describe this character: ignorant, reliant, martyr
Setting: In front of a house in the suburbs. Loud music plays.
REBECCA: Fake? I faked it? I’M A FAKE? And to think I actually thought YOU out of ALL PEOPLE would be the ONE PERSON who actually got—UNDERSTOOD ME. You know what I’ve been through. You know me better than anyone else and YOU STILL choose to hurt me like this. And call me a fake? I’m a fake. My dead dad is fake? My parents’ divorce is fake? My depression? My anxiety? All of my trauma? It’s all fake to you, right? Of course, it is. Because you and your perfect little family with your perfect little life LOVE sauntering in rainbows and unicorns. Right? I bet it rains marshmallows too. Well, guess what? For me, it rains nothing but hard cold dirt. It’s like every time I think wow maybe my friends or my family actually care about me, something like this happens. I just don’t matter to anyone anymore. My feelings don’t matter. My past doesn’t matter. Everything that has crumbled me down just disappears in your guys’ minds. And then you guys looove painting and masking yourselves by using excuses like it’s your BIRTHDAY. So what if it’s your birthday today? I’m laughing now. I’m literally laughing. YOU think that YOUR birthday matters more than my panic attack? Oh wait no. Because I faked it. I faked the crying. I faked the inability to even BREATHE. And you think that the SECOND I start to calm down, YOU can just leave because your mom called you? Oh and your grandpa’s funeral? I had to take care of myself after everything Jackson put me through because of your GRANDPA’S FUNERAL? There’s always an excuse. Oh my sweet sweet Ella, you are so SO oblivious to how SELFISH you are. But it’s ok. I’ll do what I do every time. I don’t care. It’s fine. I can take care of myself. I don’t need you to always be a good friend. I forgive you for not being there for me. I’m gonna give you another chance. I’m gonna be a good friend and give you another chance.
Character: Mahi
Age: 17
Three words to describe this character: optimistic, kind, understanding
Setting: A cemetery.
MAHI: Hey mom! It’s already been a year since then hasn’t it? I got some lilies for you just like your name! Oh, you have no clue what’s happening in the house lately.
(She starts to giggle for a few seconds as the sun shines its rays.)
Dad’s been trying to cook for us but you how that would go… Yeah, he failed horribly. He almost burned the whole kitchen down! That was quite an interesting experience to be honest, seeing Dad so flustered. And don’t even get me started about Amanda. She started wailing at me saying “I can’t do this! I can’t turn the stove on, it’s too scary! Mahi help me!!!”
(She sighs while smiling, exasperated from remembering that exact moment of her sister.)
I’m still questioning how she’s the older sister in the family. Now I’m sure you know that we can’t cook at all except you of course since you did everything. Don’t worry since I have been taking that responsibility, so I’ve been trying to learn how to cook. Don’t worry it’s just simple dishes like fried rice and stir fry as a side dish for dinner. Gotta take baby steps to improve gradually after all, right mom?
(Silence.)
I’m pretty sure you’re worrying over us a lot but don’t worry, we’re doing fine. Dad’s been trying his hardest to support us and I’m going to college soon. But you know, (Pause.) sometimes I just wish that you were here to see me graduate. I wish… you were here to experience all the new things we did over the last year.
(She begins to shed tears but still has a smile on her face.)
But I know that wish for that is impossible. So mom,
(She puts on a bright smile with tears still streaming down her face.)
Continue watching over us from above okay?
Character: Paul
Age: 27
Three words to describe this character: loyal, compassionate, concerned
Setting: The room where the groom gets ready for the wedding.
PAUL: It’s about time, where the hell have you been? (Pause.) It’s not a good look to almost be late to your own WEDDING day. (Paul sniffs the air which is followed by a look of disbelief.) You look terrible and you smell like booze. Please tell me you weren’t drinking last night… Jesus Christ man, this is the most important day of your life and you’re gonna screw it up. (Paul makes sounds to cut off the groom from speaking. Then, a beat followed by a rhetorical question.) That girl out there, you have NO IDEA how much she cares for you, do you? I thought you got sober, man. (Slight pause.) Does she know that? (Paul is exasperated and sighs, rubbing his face in frustration.) Do you wanna mess up the best thing in your life? Look at where you were before you met her. Look at WHO you were. You were a bum. You were going nowhere in life, just getting wasted all the time. Listen man, we’ve known each other our whole lives, and I love you like you’re my brother, you’re my best friend, but even that has nothing on the love that she has for you. Look at me. (Forcefully:) Look at me. You can’t mess this up. If you do, you’ll never recover, and you’ll regret it for the rest of your life. When you told me you were engaged, and that you wanted me here as your best man, I was just so happy, because I knew it was going to make YOU happy. (Pause and then softer.) What are you crying for? This is your wedding day, you can’t be crying on your wedding day. Look, I know it’s going to be hard, but you just have to open up to her about this. You don’t have to struggle through this alone. She loves you. You love her. It’s that simple. She’ll help you get sober again, but you have to put in the effort too. Take it from your best man, who’s seen the effect she has on you. She makes you a better man.
Selected Monologues for January 16, 2021
Character: Mohammad Aziz
Age: 15
Three words to describe this character: magnanimous, lonely, trapped
Setting: New York City, Ocean Hill, in the car outside of Mohammad’s high school.
MOHAMMAD: I know what you’re going to say: that I should be proud to be carrying this heritage, to celebrate our prophet against these evil westerners, and how we should have stayed in Somalia despite the war, and of course, how fortunate, that those very western friends of mine — FYI three of them are not even American — caused me to act so foolishly. You’ll say ‘you don’t just jump off a roof because your friends do.’ And then off we bicker till you breakdown and cry a storm of tears in the living room because (with a mockery in the stretch of the vowels) somehow I disappointed you, like always. But I’m tired Mama. (with a parched frown) Wallahi I am. And honestly, I do not care if auntie Sufi disapproves, she doesn’t like anything I do; she stole the paints, you know the pack my friend gave me so I can finish the painting for the competition at the museum? The one Baba yelled at me for submitting to, remember that one? (He speaks louder with a hint of desperation.) For goodness sake Mom, there’s nothing I can portray that would mold me into your world; it’s as if I’m too brown to be white and too white to be brown. And I can’t mend, or bend, or even foolishly run away from this fate of mine I can’t even stand. So please, a’ashan khatri, when we go in to talk to the teachers, which I have no idea why you would, my worst grade is in Chemistry but I told you it’s because of that question on the test he didn’t even teach, can you please refer to me the nickname all my friends call me — it’s just easier for me, (slight pause) you know: Hank. All my teachers call me that anyway. It’s just that Mohammad is just too formal, strict, it feels like stones in my lungs. I really love our prophet, but it’s just not me. You have sheik Mohammed, Islamic scholar Mohammed, extremist Mohammed — and what good is it if no one can pronounce it correctly anyway? And I know that grandfather had this name, and (mockingly stresses) blah, blah, blah (pause) but I’m not him. I can’t be him. (More firmly:) I don’t want to. I don’t want to represent anything Mama, and not because I want to be nothing, but sometimes it’s best to be seen as nothing. Is that so hard for you to acknowledge — to just understand?
Wallahi: Arabic dialect, translates to ‘I swear to God.’
A’ashan khatri: Arabic dialect, translates to ‘For my sake.’
Character: John
Age: 21
Three words to describe this character: angry, traumatized, emotional
Setting: A hospital room
JOHN: You… are not my dad… I don’t care that you are going to die. I hate you and the stupid apology that you gave me. I do not know why you called me here to give an apology because it is obvious that you do not care. You do not understand how you have hurt me and ruined my life. You apologized for not being able to go fishing or drink beer with me. BUT DO YOU REALLY THINK I CARE ABOUT THAT?! DO YOU THINK THAT I WANT TO HANG OUT AND DRINK WITH AN ABUSER LKE YOU??? Do you have any idea how it feels to have to lock yourself inside your room every night? You are a cowardly menace. You make excuses and take your anger out on others. You said drinking makes you feel better, but you obviously do not care about how I FEEL when you drink. On my fifth birthday, you came home early. I remember it clearly, too clearly. The first thing you did was hit mom who was nice enough to greet you at the door and kick Buddy across the room. Why don’t you explain why that happened? Why don’t you explain why I had to bury my own pet dog when I was 5?
You weren’t feeling good that night? IS THAT ALL YOU CAN SAY?! YOU WEREN’T FEELING GOOD?? It doesn’t matter if you lie anymore because I know the truth. I saw everything that happened that night. I heard you yelling at mom and blaming her for ruining your job. Do you know how I felt? I was furious, I found out why Mom had all those bruises all along. She said she hurt herself but it was you all along wasn’t it?! Do you know how it feels to bury the people who you love the most?? (Beat.) NO!!! NO YOU DON’T. YOU WERE DRINKING WHEN I BURIED MY DOG AND YOU DIDN’T EVEN SHOW UP AT MOM’S FUNERAL AFTER SHE KILLED HERSELF. DO YOU REALLY EXPECT ME TO ACCEPT YOUR HALF-ASSED APOLOGY?! YOU DON’T EVEN APOLOGIZE FOR THE RIGHT THINGS BECAUSE YOU HAVE NO IDEA ABOUT THE ATROCITIES YOU HAVE DONE. YOU ARE A MURDERER. YOU KILLED MY DOG. YOU KILLED MY MOTHER. AND YOU KILLED MY CHILDHOOD. YOU… you are going to die alone, and you deserve it. You are not my father, and you never will be. You do not, and will never, understand how much I hate you. Do not call me again because I won’t come. You’re dead to me.
Character: Deepa Sharma
Age: 14
Three words to describe this character: introspective, helpless, exasperated
Setting: A high school cafeteria
DEEPA: Don’t bother. You don’t even try to understand. Imagine you wake up everyday, and as you will yourself to rise up in bed, the alarm clock flashes those menacing numbers, telling you that it’s time to face… life. You look in the mirror. You look at the dead eyes, the dry skin, the chubby cheeks that you resent, the wild hair that you hide with your hoodie, it hasn’t been washed in weeks. The outline of your stomach that you suck in every time you step outside. You don’t look further than that, your tears wouldn’t let you anyways. (Beat.) You imagine what it would take for that to go away. There’s nothing in front of you, nothing behind you, there’s just you. Everything falls apart when you think for more than a second about what you’ve become. Nothing above you but the clouds covering the sun, nothing below you but the ground that you wish would swallow you whole. Every step, another disappointment when you don’t fall over, dead. (Beat.) You go to school, you go to class, you see everyone around you. They have lives, they have ambitions, they have life in their eyes, and you? You have nothing. (Beat.) Your goals are not roads that lead you to success, but massive walls that you have to dig through with your fingernails. Every wall gets thicker, and your fingers are closer to being carved down to bone. You can’t eat anything without thinking of it sitting in your stomach like a rock. And what energy is that going to give you? Can you even use it? It’s like a pen without ink… useless. Just like you. Can you live a life like that?
Character: Jimmy Leitman
Age: 16
Three words to describe this character: arrogant, overdramatic, anxious
Setting: Jimmy’s apartment in New York City
JIMMY: Not a big deal? HA! That’s easy for you to say. I mean, this kind of stuff DOES happen to you all the time. But not to me! I mean, what will Harvard say? I can just imagine someone over there looking at my file saying, “Hmmm. Jimmy Leitman, tenth grade final report card. Let’s see here… A, A+, A, A, B+!!!” This is, quite possibly, the worst day of my entire life! I mean, which universities will accept me now? I probably won’t even get into an Ivy League University! I mean, imagine if, in the future, you don’t get into an Ivy League University. It would suck, right? Oh, yeah, I forgot, your grades are WAY too low for that. But me? I had a future! I had plans! And I know this will sound quite alien to you, but I had a life ahead of me. I’m not destined for homelessness like you are. Well, maybe I am now. Like, think about it.
(Beginning to talk faster.)
Now that I won’t be able to get a decent education, I won’t be able to find a good job, and I’ll have to… ugh… the only other job I can do where I can use my brain… I’ll have to be… a writer. A WRITER! But… but I can’t be a writer because I’m not creative, and I can’t do any jobs that require labor because I’m too frail, and… STOP LAUGHING! I wasn’t built to be a laborer like you. I was gifted with a brain, not muscles! And since I’m too frail to do labor and I’m not creative enough to be a writer I’ll get fired from my job and I’ll have to live on the streets with people like you because I won’t have a job so I won’t be able to afford food and I won’t have any water and I’ll die of dehydration and I’ll have no one to bury me because my parents were so disappointed in me that they refused to speak to me ever again so my body will just remain on the streets of New York until I decompose! What was it you said? Not a big deal?
Character: Lynne Morales
Age: 16
Three words to describe this character: empathetic, careful, persistent
Setting: A 574′ high bridge in New York City. January 2020.
(LYNNE runs up to the bridge where TOVE SAITO is. TOVE is slowly walking along the edge of the bridge, looking at the water beneath her.)
LYNNE: Tove… please come down from there. There is no reason for you to jump into that water. I’m sorry I didn’t notice that you were in pain before, I had too much dealing with my family and school at the moment… but I’m here now and I am not going anywhere unless you are coming with me. (TOVE inches closer to the edge of the bridge.) Tove, can you please go away from the edge? I’m scared that you’ll slip and fall. There is ice everywhere. (TOVE mumbles something about not caring if she dies.) I care if you die Tove. You have been nothing but an amazing friend to me, you put yourself before others all the time, so can you please think of yourself first for once. You still have your whole life ahead of you. It’s not fair that us just being sixteen want to leave this world before we could even properly experience everything it has to offer. I can imagine how you must be feeling right now… alone… tired… done with everything. I know because I used to feel that way for a long time before I met you. (TOVE sits on the edge.) You have no idea how much you really mean to me, do you? You saved my life with your words a year ago. Do you not remember? You wrote me a poem that you recited when I was about to swallow all those pills. I still remember how it goes… let me recite it for you.
(LYNNE starts reciting the poem.)
“It does not matter if you are mentally ill or overfilled with various types of negative emotions,
Because I will not stop telling you how much you mean to me,
My words are going to act like a power drill implementing in your brain that you are enough.
You always have been and always will be
You are a ball of fire that’s waiting to explode
You are like a racecar on a road that cannot be slowed
You brighten the lives of everyone you encounter like a walking ray of sunshine.
And when that shine dims down, touches the skyline and flows underneath the shoreline,
You will still be as valuable to me as rain is to the growing barren Dead Sea.”
(TOVE looks up at LYNNE, smiling sadly with tears in her eyes and slowly walks towards her.)
Selected Monologues for January 9, 2021
Character: Blue
Age: 17
Three words to describe this character: Tired, reliable, empathetic
Setting: A bedroom.
(A phone rings.)
BLUE: Hey— What’s wrong? You think you’re having a panic attack? H-hey, it’ll be ok! Are you comfortable staying on call with me? I’ll be right here, I’m not going anywhere I promise. Let’s do the 5-4-3-2-1 method like we always do. What are five things that you can see around you?
You’re doing great! What are four things that you can feel?
Mhmm, your weighted blanket and pikachu plushie? We’re almost there, what are three things that you can hear?
Hey, hey it’s ok, I didn’t mean to make it seem like I’m rushing you, I’m sorry. It’s ok if you’re having trouble with this one! Here, let’s work through it together. Well um you can hear me right? And is Star barking outside like always? (Beat.) She is? Well that makes two. What’s one more thing you can hear? (Beat.) You’ve got this. Let’s take our time with the next one ok? What are two things you can smell?
Perfect. And what is one thing you can taste?
It’s good that you’re drinking water. How are you feeling now? Better? That’s good. I’m so proud of you! (Beat.) You’re not silly for having a panic attack. I know how stressful this year is, especially with college apps. (Beat.) You’re not wasting my time. If anything I wish you would rely on me more. I know that can be hard for you sometimes, relying on others but you can come to me for anything. And I mean anything. I care for you and I just want you to be kinder to yourself. You’re allowed to just let go sometimes. Anyways, If you’re stressed about your classes you can always come over and we can study together. (Blue laughs.) You’re right, we probably won’t get any work done but we can still try. Call me if you need anything, ok? Bye.
Character: Self
Age: 17
Three words to describe this character: hollow, truthful, reflective
Setting: Home.
SELF: You’re always up first thing in the morning, even before the sun. The first thing I see is you at the foot of your bed, standing bare in front of me. I don’t know if you know this, but you have this habit of scrunching your nose ‘nd rubbing your arms when you look at yourself.
Today you’ve got those dark bags under your eyes— when did they start again? It’s been so long I can’t remember— either 2 or 3 months ago? When you started sleeping badly. You know, last night you were struggling. I know because yesterday, these red marks on your skin weren’t there when you went to bed. Stop trying to cover them up— you can’t hide from your own body.
(Pause.)
Your face is pale today. Really pale. You look a little sick, you should probably go back to bed. Or maybe don’t, because then when you wake up you’ll have to see me again.
To be honest, I don’t understand why you haven’t just moved me already. You clearly hate me… or rather you hate yourself… or both. I don’t know, you don’t talk to me. You just stare. Like you are now. And I don’t know what it is that you see, but even though you can spend hours just looking, all you do is cry afterwards.
(Pause.)
And then you avoid looking. And for a while, I hardly see you. When you do return, you’re always more bone than flesh.
Sure, it’s normal to be able to see ribs in the morning. But “morning skinny” shouldn’t last for two and a half months.
You think I can’t see you, despite the dimness in the bathroom, when you pour your dinner out ‘nto the trash can? You think I can’t tell when you’ve switched the labels of your “allergy” pills? You think I don’t know when—
Do you think those around you are clueless? Dumb? Blind? If so, the only one you are fooling is yourself.
It’s only a matter of time before they all find out. You can’t keep this up forever. You know this. Sooner or later, your dirty little secret will be exposed. (Pause.) Sooner or later, you’re going to have to confront this. So why? Why do you keep hiding? Insist on running away?
You have no idea what it feels like. To watch you, every morning, pick yourself apart in the darkness. To have to sit and watch you wring the fat with your hands until it’s red, like you’re trying to tear it off. To see, slowly but surely, you and your body deteriorate- to have to everyday, face the fact that I am the reason. And you don’t— can’t stop it. So you become my reason.
Every morning, the first thing you see is a distorted vision and so do I. The only difference being that one is real and the other isn’t.
I wonder: Is this time the only time you are completely honest? Vulnerable? Before your alarm beeps and you rush to prepare for the day, thoroughly covering up all the evidence with baggy clothes and makeup.
Character: Blane
Age: 17
Three words to describe this character: caring, sheltered, loving
Setting: Blane’s girlfriend’s house
BLANE: You have no idea who we actually are. Especially Nebula, so don’t talk about her like that. I can’t just sit around and let you do it anymore. I know you only do it because you’re worried about her. The truth is… you should be. And we’ve both known it for a while. That’s why we’ve been having problems. You’ve been worried about it from the start. And with good reason. You didn’t actually know me at first, so I could pretend like me being a different person was normal. When I was together with Nebula, I was the best form of myself. She’s the only person that truly knows me. Not my friends, not even my family, and especially not you. I changed at one point, began to not act like myself. She noticed it and confronted me. She wanted to help me, but I refused every time and told her that I was fine. I didn’t want to accept that I was acting different because I didn’t know why. I was scared and confused. So I blamed it on the easiest thing I could: falling out of love with her. But… I never even did. Most of the things I told you about her were lies. I did that to push her away because I knew she’d be the only one to notice a change in me. I knew exactly what to say to hurt her as much as possible. I did it on purpose, and I convinced you enough to do the same. She didn’t deserve any of it. All she’s ever done for me has been out of love. She’s always wanted to protect me, especially from things like this. I hate that I couldn’t see that before. I need to go back to her, Rain. We can’t keep acting like I don’t. She’s what I need. She’s all I’ve always needed. I wanted you so that I could keep up with the illusion that I was myself and that Nebula was crazy. That’s all. And even then I wasn’t happy. I could pretend like I was all I wanted, but both me and her know I haven’t been. She knows me better than I know myself. I need to go to her. I need to know what’s been wrong with me, what she knows about this whole thing, because it’s much more than I know. But more importantly, I need to let her know that I love her and I always have. I need to make up for all of this, somehow. I’m sorry for using you, Rain. If I would’ve known all of this before, I would’ve never even thought about doing it. I have to leave now. I hope you can understand. But remember, don’t talk bad about the woman I love.
Character: Grant Kim
Age: 20
Setting: Grant is about to leave home to join the Army. Enters room with backpack.
GRANT: Ronald… I’m sorry but… I won’t be here for a while. I’m sure you can take care of the fam and hold down the fort while I’m gone, though. I got my friend Young and my cousin Will… They’re gonna take really good care of you I promise… I promise.
Aw c’mon boy don’t make those noises… you’re a grown dog now. I remember you were so small, I could still hold you in my arms and in my lap. Now that I think about it, you were a naughty little thing. You peed on my arms! Don’t think I forgot that. But I knew you were the one when I lost your leash and you came right back to me.
Thanks for trusting me Ronald, you really are the realest. (Grab head and bring hands outward.) Ha… life passes by so fast… Now look at you! You’re the big dog!
When that drunkard John tried to run my pockets… you had my back. Don’t think I ever forgot that… not even for a minute. (He looks at his watch.) Oop, dad’s car is outside, I gotta go now Ronald. (He salutes Ronald.) Love you.
Hey Ron, don’t follow me… (He sighs and puts down his backpack.) Come in, Ron… Look, I’ll be back in 2 years… and everything will be fine. Our country is at peace right now, so I don’t think I’ll be dispatched or anything so… two years… two years for you is like… fourteen years huh… (His voice cracks.) You have no idea how much I love you, Ron. Don’t get too comfortable without me, I’ll be with you soon.
Character: Saturn
Age: Mid to late 60s
Three words to describe this character: arrogant, broken, removed
Setting: An isolated, rocky, arid piece of land in the sky dotted with low-to-the-ground baby’s breath.
SATURN: I know what I’m supposed to tell you: it’s nothing personal, it’s not about you, rather, it’s my burden to bear. But I’d rather confide in you. Can I? Your answer doesn’t matter to me by the way, I’ll proceed as I like. (Places tip of finger between teeth in a grotesquely playful way.) You don’t really have the authority to take my time anymore do you? (Places finger on nose, raises eyebrows, and smirks.) Well, your nose is your best feature so I’ll have to take it first. Isn’t it funny how our taste is impaired when our noses are gone, so I’m practically killing two birds with one stone. (A chuckle followed by a pause.) But don’t worry darling Fran, my stomach isn’t burning and gurgling for you just yet. (Speaks very quickly like he’s rattling off every thought that pops into his head.)
Next on the agenda is my confiding. I never quite loved you, it’s comical because they always tell the doubtful expecting father that he’ll fall in love with his child’s naive little eyes and chubby little limbs just as they’re out of the womb, slick with a slurry of insides. That’s exactly how I want you right now: slick with a slurry of insides, your insides. I know what I like: both available sizes of intestines, surely your brain, your heart, muscles, ligaments, the works. I’ll give you a trick of the trade, a nugget of info for you. From me to you. Right under the flank tastes best, it’s supple and there’s ample of it, the perfect close to the meal, really. Oh and your bones are probably really good for my teeth, although I’ll check with my dentist on that one.
(A brief pause.)
Well, the only reason I know I don’t love you is because (His speech slows and gets interrupted by his thinking and small hyperventilating-type crying breaths.) everyone loves you, but the only one who loves me is you. You’ll do something and it’s just so brave and so kind and when you do it it’s so pretty and I just want people to look at me the way they look at you. You command the attention of people and it’s just so pretty. And—and—and so I just have to do this I need to do this for me and you just can’t understand because you’re you and you just shine and—
(Pause.)
To love you is to be okay and to love me is to be a grotesque cacodemon.
Character: Lola Martinez
Age: 38
Three words to describe this character: ambitious, firm, fretful
Setting: New York City. Outside an entrance to a building in the Financial District. Present-day.
LOLA: (gasping for breath) Mr. Harrington, sir! I— if I could just have a moment of your time. Please, hear me out, just don’t walk through that door. My name is Lola Martinez, you interviewed me a while ago. I know you’re a busy man, but I’m begging you to listen — I’m afraid I have no other choice. M-my kids and I, we’re desperate. See, my landlord keeps raising our rent, and by the end of this month, I think we might be homeless. I just got laid off from the bar I used to work at and my kids, they barely got anything to eat. Surely, you know how it feels! You got kids, right? Yeah, yeah, Emily and Carson, right? Think about them, sir. How you think I feel coming home, looking them in their eyes and telling them I don’t got the money to feed them? Please, Mr. Harrington, you have no idea how much I need this job.
(Beat.)
W-wait don’t go. Have some compassion, for god’s sake.
You know why you keep walking away? ‘Cause you don’t know how it feels like to be a working woman in this damn city. Why, of course, you don’t. How would you? Walking every day into this fancy building, dressed in designer, thinking you’re all high and mighty when really you’re just rotting behind a desk waiting for the day’s profits to start rooolling in. Well, guess what? I never had that luxury. For me, that’s the kind of stuff you dream about. I mean, every day I tell my kids “Go to school. Focus! Because one day you’re gonna be successful and realize it was all worth it — that’s the American dream!” Except you don’t have to dream, Mr. Harrington, you got it all. And it’s like sometimes you forget about the rest of us, the one’s that didn’t win the family lottery. The ones that had to rise from the bottom, and the ones that are still there.
Please, sir, just give me a chance. I am the most qualified candidate you have, and you know it. I don’t have more than a few hundred dollars in my bank account and yet I know how much I’m worth to this company. Let me prove that to you, right now. Let me in, and by the end of the day, I’ll get you more accounts than all the little rookies you got in there, combined. But, h- hold on—
(Mr. Harrington starts walking away, then stops.)
Mr. Harrington…
(Beat.)
You need me, and I need this job. So either you let me in, or you just lost yourself a couple hundred grand in profits because you chose not to take a chance.
A-and, if you don’t want to do this for me, do it for them.
(She takes out a picture from her purse and shows it to Mr. Harrington.)
Give them a chance. Please, sir. Let me in now, and let me build a future for them; that’s all it is. It’s that simple.
(She tucks the picture back in her purse.)
(Pointing at the entrance:) So, shall we?
Selected Monologues for December 19, 2020
Character: Aria
Age: 28
Three words to describe this character: Tired, hopeful, honest
Setting: Aria’s apartment in New York City. She is speaking on the phone with her best friend Julie who lives in a small town in the rural Midwest.
ARIA: Julie, you have to stop romanticizing New York City! It’s not everything it’s made out to be, I would know I live there. It’s the city that never sleeps, and neither does anyone that lives here. Two hours at most is all I get. I get up at 6, get my coffee and get to the train early, expecting a delay that could last from minutes to hours. I go up to the 33rd floor of my office building and I work all day, drowning in paperwork, drowning in faxes and emails and invoices. Drowning in the corruption of city business, but at least I have a pretty view. Then I get another coffee and work through my lunch break. I take the train home at peak rush hour and I work even more, and I’ll do it again the next day. I work and I work and I never stop. Nine to five, Monday to Friday, January to December, and I’ll do it until I’m 65 and even then I’ll have to keep working just to afford a decent retirement. If there’s one thing the city is, it’s expensive. I’ll work until my bones ache and the stairs are too much for me. Until my body can’t take the commute anymore. Until I forget my clients’ names and I become inferior at my work. Until my fingers cramp from typing and typing for countless hours. Until my posture has been reduced to nothing but a slouch. You don’t get it Julie, the busy city isn’t everything. I want to be free to explore and learn and travel. To see the beauty of the world, not the ugliness of business, economy, and Wall Street. The ugliness of humans that emerges when we’re fighting to keep our jobs just so we can bear to pay rent for our tiny, overpriced, city apartments. And when I retire, whenever that may be, I’ll have to leave the city that never sleeps, because it’s my time to rest and it’s finally my time for peace.
Character: Unnamed
Age: 15
Three words to describe this character: Charismatic, unfulfilled, confused
Setting: A bedroom.
UNNAMED CHARACTER: The amount of want I feel is completely insane. Sometimes it is so hard to stop myself from wrapping my arms around you when I see you but that’s weird. When you speak I cannot really listen though. But I try so badly too. Sometimes I am transported to a place where I can’t really think or feel. I dunno what that’s supposed to mean though. Like do I have some health condition? It’s so agonizing that I cannot just be in the moment. Yet at the same time I’m bursting at the seams with hopes. Hopes and wants of things that may or may not just be my phantasies of what this relationship could be. I want to tell you all of these things, but I feel like I’m coming off too strongly like some kind of psycho. I try to do just enough to show my personality, but hopefully not enough for you to figure me all out you know. I don’t even understand this relationship. I think if I knew the extent of it I could prepare for the worst. But I don’t know anything—Of course I don’t know anything. I’m just a kid.— I don’t really know why I have this desire to know everything about you and for you to know everything about me. I probably just want attention. But I don’t wanna to tell myself that because it’s embarrassing. Maybe it is the lack of parent figures, maybe it is the lack of guidance. Or it could possibly be the fact that I like to speak with you. I like that you are so kind and understand how I feel. It feels good— You probably just feel bad for me but are too nice to tell me to stop or leave you alone—Sometimes I think these thoughts. Thoughts you would feel contemptuous towards, warmed by or maybe even disgusted by. I dunno. Sometimes I think about you so much— That’s so weird though. Because what even are these things I feel? What even is this damn relationship?— I wish you could just tell me, but you can’t because I’m so young, and you are adults. So that would be weird.— I pretend I know everything but I guess I don’t. I don’t think this is healthy. But if only I knew. And If only you knew. But you don’t.
Character: Michael
Age: 47
Three words to describe this character: Caring, protective, understanding
Setting: Inside Michael’s house, 2015.
MICHAEL: Sarah… you’re home. I… where… have you been? Wait. Don’t answer that. See my face? That’s the face of a father who couldn’t get a minute of sleep because he didn’t know if his daughter was… was in danger, o-or passed out in an alleyway, or just deliberately not responding. I guess I’m glad you were deliberately not responding to my eight calls and fourteen texts. Beats the alternative. I’m gonna say, once and only once, my perspective on this. When I was your age, I went out drinking with my friends too. I know, you’re a high schooler, you want to try things, I know. I was hoping to never have this conversation, but I’m realistic, and I knew it was likely that I would. I am going to be as understanding as I can, but in return for that, I would like some understanding from you, too. I need you to realize, from my perspective, what it’s like to not know… anything. To not know how to contact you, where you are, or who you’re with, or if and when you’re coming home. I spent three hours last night, after I knew I wouldn’t be able to find you, just laying in bed, wondering where I had messed up… wondering what I had done that had made you feel as though I didn’t… didn’t deserve the relief of an “I’m sleeping at Michelle’s house” text. Look, I’ve always trusted you, and trusted your judgement, and this doesn’t change that, but I feel like the reason for you not responding must be that you just don’t understand what this does to me. Look, it’s… it’s just the two of us in this family… if you… if anything happens to you… I … I don’t ask much, just please don’t leave me concerned like that again.
Character: Carsyn Kai
Age: 16
Three words to describe this character: Passionate, confident, bold
Setting: Principal’s office
CARSYN: My question for you, Mr. Fox, is why can’t I wear what I want? It is because the boys will overly sexualize seeing my shoulders and legs? Or showing, quote-unquote, too much skin means “I’m asking for it?” Because neither of those claims are reasonably my issue. I should be able to wear shorts in the summer without being told to cover up. Instead of trying to teach young women that their bodies are viewed as something for men to look at, you should be teaching these boys to learn to control themselves. Punishing me and other young women for boys of ALL ages, lack of self control when being around females, is showing them it’s okay to view women and their bodies as the issue. AND it is teaching young women that their bodies are viewed as inappropriate and violable. Every single female body is beautiful, no dress code should make a young girl feel as if hers is not! These dress codes promote sexism towards women and rape culture. You have no idea what it’s like being a young woman in today’s society. These actions don’t just happen in school. Going home to a dad that is constantly telling me I shouldn’t wear a certain outfit out of the house and an older brother who I can tell is judging me based on the look on his face when I walk past him, shouldn’t be normal. But, I’m not the only young woman who experiences this criticism. So many other females are being shamed in their own homes too. Women are not the issue, it’s people like you Mr. Fox, and if there isn’t a change in the way boys act now, there never will be…
Character: Derrick
Age: 17
Three words to describe this character: Depressed, lovesick, angry
Setting: At a dining room table in the middle of nowhere Wyoming
DERRICK: What did you just say? (Beat.) Say it again! Say it again! (Beat.) No I can’t believe you… No I don’t care that I’m raising my voice at… no… I… just listen… Just shut up! It’s time for you to listen, all you do is spout disgusting, racist comments, and drink all day and tell me how much you do for me when in reality you do nothing! I do all the cooking, I do all the work around here everything you ask I do, well I’m sick of it! You’re the reason my life sucks, we live in the middle of nowhere surrounded by people who are just as ignorant and stupid as you are! And the only woman I’ve ever cared about is gone because of you! My entire life I’ve blamed myself for why mom left, the amount of sleepless nights as a six year old kid wondering if it was something I did and why she didn’t love me, well I’m sick of it! And the fact that you can refer to Alejandro, as a we… we… I can’t even say it. I’m so disgusted. And I don’t even like basketball. I just did it to make you happy, but I can’t do it anymore, my entire life I’ve done everything to make you happy, when I don’t even like you. And guess what dad? My girlfriend Manuela, she was born in Mexico… yeah, Mexico. Your son is dating one of them and she means more to me than you ever will! No, she’s my girlfriend… yes my girlfriend… for once in your life listen, ok! I’m done with you, I don’t need your house, I don’t need your money, I want nothing to do with you! For my entire life I thought people like Manuela were the enemy but it’s actually you! You’re the problem in this country not her. I’m gonna go out in the world and I hope I never see you again, and one day I’ll be a better father than you ever were! Goodbye da… John, may we never meet again.
Character: Jill
Age: 22
Three words to describe this character: paranoid, upset, formal
Setting: Jill is writing a letter to her doctor.
JILL: Dear Dr. Timone Maxwell, I’ve often found myself up late at night pondering what you brought up with me when last we met. I do recall you recommending that I remain with a family member at all times for my own safety, but for you to assume so boldly that I can’t take care of myself is absurd. Just because I had a previous brain scan that found I had a broken-down amygdala does not mean that I am “blind to fear” as you so delicately put it. You clearly have no idea what you’re talking about. I might not be afraid of roads, or spiders, or heights, or the dark, but that’s not because of some malformation in my brain. I appear to just have more rationality than you and your colleagues in that sense. But I have proof against your so-called diagnosis. You say that because I don’t have those little almond shaped bits on the sides of my brain, I can’t feel any sense of fear. But I do feel fear. Unimaginable, paralyzing fear. Every so often, a dreadful craving will engulf me. I think to myself, “It’s that time again, I’m awfully hungry for some chicken noodle soup this evening…” I hesitantly and reluctantly force myself to make short strides toward the pantry door. The hinges are old and make much noise. “I should get that fixed,” I tell myself. But I continue on, nonetheless. I make my way to the shelf of horrors, reaching out both hands with petrifying anxiety. I grasp the can tightly, squeezing it between my sweaty palms as I leave the pantry. I set the can down forcefully on the kitchen counter, can opener in hand. “It’s just soup. It can’t hurt you. You’re safe”. But I know in my gut that I’m just lying to myself. As I peel open the can, arms extended straighter than the roads in South Dakota, the lid pops off and with pale skin and an empty stomach I peer inside. There is no snake in my soup tonight. I’ve just barely survived another night of chicken noodle soup. But I know, and I dread, that from one of those musty, aged cans one day will come the sloshing of wet noodles as the deadly creature squirms inside, awaiting the night he is finally released. Doctor Maxwell, I know your diagnosis is faulty because I am terrified that my chicken noodle soup will eat me instead.
Selected Monologues for December 12, 2020
Character: Carter Welles
Age: 37
Three words to describe this character: driven, melancholic, passionate
Setting: A coffee shop in Los Angeles at 9:30pm. It is raining.
CARTER: (looking straight into girlfriend’s eyes) You have no idea how far I’ve traveled to see you. (Hesitant.) I know I look like a complete mess right now but just… listen to me. What I’m about to say is outlandish, a- and could have massive consequences, but… I have no other choice. (He exhales while closing eyes, preparing for what to say next.) I’ve spent the last 10 years trying to find you. (Short pause.) I’ve combed the endless shores of time searching for the perfect moment to see you once more. To be able to say the goodbye that has strangled me for the better half of a decade. (He looks down.) I used to tell you how I’d move the sun and moon for you, and I finally have. (He looks back up at her while motioning around him.) The tulips bloomed in reverse, (gestures sweeping motion above him while looking up) the chariots of Apollo and Artemis retreated in their race across the sky, and the rain ascended towards the stars. (He stops, gets quieter, almost to a whisper, and begins to tear up.) I remember the day of your funeral on that grassy knoll, as tears descended alongside your body into the ground, that I swore to save you. (He begins to speak louder, and more passionately.) I was told to grieve and accept, but I refused. It was tonight that you had left angry at me, through clenched teeth said you hated me, and I said, “I never want to see you again…” since then every waking moment has been agony. You left, and early in the morning I awoke to a phone call from your sister saying that you… (He speaks with restraint, voice breaking.) had… passed. You came here after our fight, and at approximately 10:14 tonight, your car is hit by a semi that couldn’t stop fast enough in the rain. (Silence. He sits uncomfortably after saying this. He looks and begins to speak desperately.) I have tried everything but no matter what I say or do, the night ends the same way, with you gone. Here you are in the flesh, and yet I am as powerless as I am on that day, 24 hours from now. (Pause) My heart rips apart seeing you melt away, but it’s time this madness ends. (Through his tears.) I’m sorry for what I said. I love you… goodbye.
Character: Rin
Age: Young adult
Three words to describe this character: broken, alone, angry
Setting: A relatively untraveled part of the woods a little way outside of town.
RIN: You think you know everything about me. You know a lot of things, yes: you know my favorite foods, the places I’ve been, the way I never learned to be organized. But you don’t know that the fingerprints on the mirror are from when I wished I could shatter it because I couldn’t bear to look at myself anymore. You don’t know that the sports I play and the plays I perform are so that I can escape from myself every once in a while. You don’t know that there are some days where every sharp object seems like an invitation.
You have no idea what it’s like to walk into a room and see nothing but hatred in people’s eyes. You have no idea that the reason I don’t want to talk to people is that every person I talk to tells me that I shouldn’t be talking, that my words are those of a child. You have no idea because you don’t pay attention— you have no idea because you’re still in denial that your child isn’t the perfect angel they once were. I’m not that happy, laughing toddler who makes friends with everyone and is at the top of the class and can talk with the adults. I still sometimes laugh, and I occasionally make a new friend, and I talk with the adults because I am one, but that doesn’t mean that’s all I am. I can’t laugh as much as I used to because I’ve learned that not everything is a joke or a game. I don’t make as many new friends because a lot of people don’t like who I am and I don’t like who some other people are.
You aren’t God; you can’t know everything. You won’t even know of the words I speak, for all I am doing is screaming at the trees, scaring away any animal near enough to hear. You have no idea, and that’s probably for the best.
Character: Jordan
Age: 45
Three words to describe this character: guilty, sorry, caring
Setting: Prison
JORDAN: Hey Cindy, you’re never gonna believe what I’m about to tell you, (Small laugh.) I got called into the warden’s office last week and uhh… I finally got parole (Laughs harder.) I’m finally gonna see our little boy!
I know… I know I should have told you sooner and I’m sorry about that but I just didn’t know what to say. I know when I come out he won’t want to see me, (Pause) and I get that I just… I just wanna be able to see him, see him in real life, not through the pictures you show me or through the words you use to describe him.
You have no idea how much I love him. Hell, because of me you saw what it’s like for a boy to grow up without a father, a father that is there for him, a father unlike the one I’ve been for the last 25 years. I want you to just let him give me a chance now, now more than ever, now that I’m finally free, and I can finally be with you guys.
(A beat.)
I want to look him in the eyes and tell him how sorry I am, how… how he didn’t deserve this, he didn’t deserve any of this! I want to show him that I can be who he imagined a father to be. I can finally become “dad.”
Character: Apollo Everitt
Age: 16
Three words to describe this character: vengeful, manipulative, stubborn
Setting: The forest
(APOLLO lives in a dystopian world where his life task is to be a gestational surrogate. In defiance of his assigned position, he has escaped from his living quarters with his friend LUNA, a 17 year old girl who has spent most of her life living in luxury with her rich caretaker. The two kids are standing in the forest, having just escaped, and trying to figure out what to do next. In the heat of the moment, LUNA told APOLLO that he “had to calm down”, causing the boy to snap.)
APOLLO: Calm down? Are you kidding me? We’re STUCK here, in the middle of Caesar-knows-where. You have NO IDEA what’s at stake for me here, Ferron. You’re lucky, you have the option to turn around! You can leave me behind just like everyone else I’ve ever known and go back to Caesar. You can apologize and shed a few tears and everything will be back to normal, and you can pretend that this was all some stupid little fever dream. But what about ME? I’m a BIRTHER, the lowest position a person can have. You think they coddle me where I’m from? No! Those men up there, CAESAR’S MEN, will take me and use me in whatever way they please. They’ve done it before and they’ll do it again.
(APOLLO stops, and lets out a shaky exhale. His grip on his staff tightens as LUNA stares back at him with wide, horrified eyes.)
Why are you looking at me like that? What, you thought your daddy and his little group of cronies were perfect men who never did anything wrong? Well, I’m sorry to break it to you, princess, but the world isn’t exactly sunshine and roses. And those men up there, in that Ceasar-forsaken government Tower?
(APOLLO sighs and puts a hand on LUNA’s shoulder.)
Listen, Ferron. I don’t know you very well, but I could feel your defiance flowing through your veins the first moment I saw you. You’re a good person, but you’re scared, and that’s ok. I.. know what it’s like to be scared. But I also know how to overthrow this government and stop those sick, corrupt pieces of human garbage from taking advantage of people left and right. I’ve been working out a plan for years, and you’re the last piece of the puzzle, so please. Just trust me, okay?
Character: Penny
Age: College age
Three words to describe this character: melancholy, insecure, on the edge of going a little mad
PENNY: You have no idea how lonely it’s been. All these years, with no real feeling of family, forced to conform to a philosophy I despise, unable to live as myself, trapped within this awful lie. I-… I missed you. I missed this whole town. I missed everyone here so much that at night when my mind got cold and my thoughts turned to stone I had to cry just to keep from doing it in the public again. My knees, my hands, my… my heart… I feel like they’ve been bleeding. I mean, it’s been what, 3 years? Maybe 4, providing dates? It’s hard to believe I even survived, but… I made it. I… We made it. We’re out of the woods. And one thing I can promise is that no one, ever again, gets to tell us who we can and can’t be ever again. I am so, so tired of people telling me who I get to be and who I can’t be, so tired of being controlled by everything I see that feels so out of reach. I am… so.. So… TIRED! TIRED OF SEEING ALL THIS SADNESS AND CHAOS THAT I’VE BEEN TOLD IS LOVE, SO TIRED OF ALL THE PRETEND SONGS AND THE BLOODY BOOKS, SO TIRED OF BEING CUT AWAY, BEING DRAGGED OFF FROM A SMALL TASTE OF JOY RIGHT WHEN I CAN FEEL IT. I’M EXHAUSTED WITH THE FAKE LOVE, THE FAKE NAMES, THE HEARTS LIKE GLASS. THE VIOLENCE. THE GUN SMOKE. I AM DONE!
… I’m so… so tired, sugar. I… I just want to go to sleep. C… can we please just… rest here for a bit? That sounds nice. Let’s just… sit here, for a while. No mirrors, no cheesy music, no one else around, it’s… it’s perfect. Just.. us. Let’s just stay here for a bit, yeah? Just… rest for a bit.
Character: Dakari
Age: 12
Three words to describe this character: angry, betrayed, loving
Setting: The rubble and ashes of a once beautiful village.
DAKARI: Get the hell away from me! I swear I’ll bleed out right here! I’d die before coming with you! Do you have any idea what you’ve done? (Coughs.) Remember how beautiful this village looked before? (Shakes head.) My people were right about you! They were right to fear you! “The American is not on your side,” they’d say again and again. (Shakes head.) I should’ve listened to them (Beat.) when they were still alive.
I always tried to think the best of you. Really. (Coughs.) You were one of the few decent ones. I hate to admit it… but you were the closest thing I had to a father. (Shakes head while smiling.) You can laugh. (Frowns.) Even a monster can appreciate some good irony.
I’m ashamed to say it… but you’re also responsible for my favorite memory. That Friday evening, after my first day of classes. You still remember it, right? You gave me that chocolate bar and I broke it into four pieces. One for me, one for Nala, one for Mom, and one for you. Well, (Chokes up.) both Nala and Mom are dead now so you can have the last three pieces.
Do you remember the first day you came here? I was just a little kid terrified of those “sky ships” (Laughs then goes back to being serious.) and the pangs of gunfire. I thought they’d kill us all. You told me everything would be alright though. You said you weren’t a commander out for blood, and I believed you.
I don’t know what pushed you to order that airstrike. (Coughs twice then has a courser voice from here on.) Was it worth it though? Maybe the trauma of war overcame you and made you forget. In your twisted mind, you probably think nothing is wrong. You have no idea of what monster has replaced you. I think it’s time to go now. (Coughs more violently.) Goodbye…
Selected Monologues for December 5, 2020
Character: Mark
Age: 16
Three words to describe this character: emotionally-driven, naïve, protective
Setting: The edge of Brooklyn along the shore of the Hudson River.
MARK: Listen, before you say anything, I just need to say what’s on my heart right now. I’ve thought about this day over and over again. Each time picturing myself running towards you, hugging you with every fiber of my being and never letting go. Today was going to be our special day, and no one could tell me otherwise. But looking at you right now, (Pause. MARK drops the happy persona and his smile fades away.) I’m just fucking pissed. You know, after I heard about what you did, I didn’t believe it. I thought to myself, there’s no way Amy would ever do something like that. I was in disbelief until your mother called me, the agony in her voice as she told me her daughter tried to kill herself… yeah, there’s no faking that. Look, I know any sane person with a decent heart knows not to say this, but screw it. You’re being selfish. I know battling depression ain’t easy, (Beat.) but did you ever think about someone who isn’t you for a change? What was your plan? (MARK’s harsh tone gradually gets louder.) I’ll just abandon my brother to my abusive father cause he’ll totally be fine. I’ll let my mom cry her eyes out at my funeral. I’ll throw away all the plans I built with my best friend. (A shaky deep breath.) You know what, screw it. I’ll be selfish too! You and I spent so much time planning for our future. We were gonna travel the world, we were gonna learn how to play the drums, we were gonna grow old together, and you threw all of that away. Look I have every single second of my life planned out, and there’s not one moment where you’re not in it. So, stop being selfish. If you can’t live for yourself, live for others… live for me.
Character: Envy
Age: 17-18
Three words to describe this character: bitter, lonely, festering
Setting: High School Graduation Ceremony
ENVY: I’ll never forget the first time I saw you. You had your hair in a pretty bow, surrounded by all the popular kids in our grade. Everyone was gushing over your brand new backpack, studded with the shiniest pins and prettiest keyrings. Your laughter echoed through the hallway, and the teachers smiled at the sight of the first graders having fun.
You probably didn’t even see me, the lonely girl hiding behind the corner just listening to all the praises that were being showered on you. It seemed like the entire world wanted me to know how amazing, happy, and carefree you were, and you never even knew of my existence. All I had was me, myself and I, and it pained me to see how happy you were.
By some unlucky stroke of fate, we were in every class together. Lunch, English, Math, Science—everything, and your joy hung over my head like Tantalus’s suffering in the fields of punishment. What was a girl to do but to try to be as immaculate as you, to attain joy through that self-same perfection?
So I worked. I studied harder than everyone else, pulled all-nighters to get that perfect grade, spent all my money to look the best I could, but still… you came out on top. And now, here we are, graduation day, still complete strangers despite the fact that I’m the salutatorian to your valedictorian. And I’m just as miserable as I was when we were just little kids.
You had no idea how much I hated you. Everything about you vexed me—your glossy hair, good reputation, perfect grades, sugary sweet attitude. It’s not fair how blissfully oblivious you are to all the anger I see when I look at you, how my failure lingers in your every triumph. But here: take this last victory. This is the last time I’ll ever see you, and we’ll both be better for it. Good riddance.
Character: Alex
Age: 27
Three words to describe this character: ambitious, assertive, determined
Setting: Office of a Manhattan businessman. Present day.
ALEX: God you really don’t get it do you!? I have had to work and sweat and bleed to get here, to get anywhere! I was doing so good. No, I was doing more than just good. I was doing fan-fucking-tastic! And you waltz in here, acting like you’re better than everyone else because you stole MY idea and profited off of it. I know nothing I’m saying is going through that tiny little head of yours, but I’m not here for you to understand or pity me, I’m here for you to sit down and listen. And I don’t give two shits about “technicalities.” You got the patent first because you have money and privilege! You’ve never worked for a damn thing in your whole life, so excuse me for being pissed off that you got my dreams served to you on a silver platter! You have no idea, not a single clue, how hard it is to fend for yourself, to come up from nothing and lose everything in the business world, ESPECIALLY as a woman! Every man I’ve come across has been condescending, misogynistic, and too self centered to pull their head out of their ass. You’ve never had a single person try to explain every little thing to you like you’re an idiot, or try to scam you out of your own ideas, thinking you’re easy because you weren’t born from money, you weren’t born into business, and you weren’t born with a dick. But I had the guts to prove myself to people whose opinions I couldn’t care less about. You don’t even have the guts to look me in the eyes while I’m talking to you. We are not the same. And you will never, EVER, be like me.
Character: Lydia
Age: 27
Three words to describe this character: sentimental, persevering, sensitive
Setting: A video call from home.
LYDIA:
(exacerbated laughter)
I can’t believe it… One year… one year spent hurting every time I’d walk past my mother’s pictures hanging on the walls. One year… pausing every time I’d look at my eyes in the mirror remembering how— How I used to be so proud they were your eyes. One year… all this time, spent hoping, praying, that something of my mom was left in you. One year and I finally decide to give you a call and all you can talk about is politics?!
Stop it. Don’t start again! I don’t want to hear you rant about whatever minority your little Facebook group told you is out to get you or the government today. I don’t care.
Lord forgive me thinking you might care about me or my life. Forgive me for hoping you might ask about my girlfriend, or my family, or my kid – her grandkid. Forgive me for not realizing my mom, my mom, was as good as dead. Forgive me… please please forgive me… for thinking you might still be the woman who used to hold my hand all those years ago— who used to point at the sky or the world and tell me that no matter how many discount pizzas or bug spray cans or retail jobs it took, you and I… mum and daughter… it’d be us against the world, but we’d get through it together. And I trusted you. I loved you. I believed you and you left me…you left me. How could you? Why could you?
Do your Facebook followers love you more than I could? Does your hate filled posting bring you more warmth than my hugs, does the world look brighter from your iPhone screen? Do you like staring at me so… vacantly… a bitter old woman looking for someone to blame for why you or I or our lives didn’t turn out the way you wished they would when I was young? Do you like it huh?
(Yelling now.)
Answer me god dammit answer me…
(She shakes her head.)
Mom mom mom mom mom mom…
Don’t think I don’t love you mom I do… but I don’t know how to get through to you that all these conspiracies and plans and prophecies, the things… they aren’t real! But I’m real! Our family is real! And you can hug me, you can kiss me, you can speak to me, I’ll hold your hand! I’m here! Your daughter is here… I’ve been here.
Look. You have my number. If you ever want to talk — really talk — give me a call… I’ll be waiting… Bye…
Selected Monologues for November 28, 2020
Character: Hero
Age: 33
Three words to describe this character: protector of the public, tired of being the good guy, slightly hysterical
Setting: The edge of a 50-story building rooftop surrounded by a bustling city at night. Two figures face each other. One being held over the edge.
HERO: Oh, stop crying. Don’t you understand? Our entire lives we’ve been playing this game of cat and mouse. You do evil, and I stop you. Because I’m the good guy. I’ve always been the good guy, the hero, the “savior.” Because they need me. They need to see me as — as this symbol of security, so they can rest easy, tucked into their cozy little beds, knowing that someone is fighting the evil. Well, now they won’t ever have to worry again. I said stop crying, already! You think I like this? Do you think that I enjoy knowing that the only reason I exist is to fight battles that aren’t mine to fight? Well, you’re just as foolish as they are. People need someone to blame when things go wrong, someone to carry their burdens when they get too heavy, someone to give their lives meaning. Do you know what the funniest part is about this whole “good guy” and “bad guy” thing? When you’re gone, they won’t need someone to protect them anymore. They won’t need me. Sometimes, I envy you. Even now, as you face your death. You want to know why? Because tomorrow, you will be gone, and they will remember you. They will remember you as the darkness that plagued their life, and they will tell stories of your most wicked acts. After tomorrow, they won’t remember me for my heroic acts of bravery and daring. They will only remember me because of you. But what they don’t know is that tomorrow I’ll be gone too.
Character: Genesis Moralis
Age: 22
Three words to describe this character: Headstrong, Stubborn, Honest
Setting: Genesis’ boyfriend’s house
GENESIS: You know, I wasn’t going to say anything right after it happened because I know you don’t like to be called out in front of your employees, but since it’s just you and me, I think it’s okay for me to say it. What you did today, was beyond unnecessary. And don’t give me that look, Miah, you know what I’m talking about. You threatened the man’s family because you gave the wrong direction. You, as a leader, gave the wrong work to the wrong people. And you have nobody else to blame but yourself.
I’ve mentioned time and time again how much I hate, how much I despise, how much I loathe corrupt people in power. I grew up with a corrupt politician as a mother and a screwed up lawyer as my father, my god, you met them. I had to rely on the damn maids to pick me up from school when I got in trouble, or to even have a simple conversation with me. You know how disappointing my upbringing was and I still grew up to be a decent being.
You’ve been, like, I don’t know, sinking into this black hole that sucks everything good out of you and instead, your girlfriend is shown this money making machine. And for the life of me, I can’t understand why.
You were good, Jeremiah. When we met, you were kind to employees, cared for your customers, didn’t snap at the slightest thing. Now you’re… this. You have no idea how much it hurts to watch you turn into something that’s not you. And to be honest, I don’t think I have it in me to watch someone close to me turn like this. Not again. I can’t lose another person that I lo–… another person that I care for.
I need you to get your act together, or you’re gonna lose more than money… I’m going home, I’ll see you Monday.
Character: Caden
Age: 12
Two words to describe this character: privileged and humble
Setting: A young child is on a mission trip in Greece. He is there to help Syrian refugees.
CADEN: You have no idea how I felt walking into that church on that first day. Despite being extremely jet lagged. I had no idea what to expect, I was told I was here to help refugees. Little did I know, I was the one who needed the helping. The second I walked in, I knew I was home. I was welcomed with hugs and kisses, I smiled and nodded as all of the people said things to me in multiple languages I had never heard of. Then, those people seemed so foreign to me. Their dark brown skin, my white skin. They spoke in many different languages, I had been surrounded by English my whole life. They had grown up in the Islamic faith, I have been in Sunday School at a Christian church since I could walk. They were different, it was odd to me. Getting to know them over the month I was there, I heard indescribable things. Stories of how their homes had been burned, families murdered right before their eyes. They weren’t terrorists or criminals. They were people, just like me. The things I had been told my whole life by my American culture, it was all wrong. I had prejudice built up in my heart, even as a young child. This bias is created in our culture. I was no better than them because I was white or privileged. This is why we need to go out and see the world. Be a friend to those different than you. You will learn things, you never thought was important to know. You have no idea how much you will grow. I thought I was on a mission to save the world, turns out I had a lot to learn from it first.
Character: Athena
Age: 22-23
Three words to describe this character: strong, powerful, introvert
Setting: Athena’s apartment. Manhattan, New York.
ATHENA: What? I’m gonna need you to repeat that. (STACY then begins to open her mouth to repeat what she said but ATHENA quickly cuts her off.) No really, repeat it. Say it with no hesitation. Come on, let me hear it Stacy. Hit me with your best shot, because whatever you think happened to me, get it out of your damn head, cause you are so wrong. What I went through isn’t something you get over in a matter of days, months, or even a year, Stacy. Do you know what it’s like when you can barely sleep at night, and when you do get the smallest amount of sleep all you see are the four walls of his basement? All you see is that little corner he left “just for you to call home.” (Her voice begins to be louder than before.) To not be able to walk alone anywhere, always needing someone by your side, not being able to feel safe almost ever. So don’t you ever tell me how to feel (ATHENA begins to yell.) BECAUSE YOU’RE PERFECT. (ATHENA looks down bringing her voice to a softer tone.) You’re straight and perfect. (ATHENA takes a breath trying to find the right words to say, when finding them she brings her gaze to STACY and begins to speak with a firmer tone.) I was there, getting almost no food everyday, being called by gay slurs, being told I was the devil and not a human being, being told my parents aren’t proud of me nor love me, how every one in this town wants me flat out die and be sent straight to hell. This isn’t something you can just get over in “one year,” Stacy. (Saying this as if she is mocking STACY. She focuses her gaze back to the ground and they both remain in silence until STACY goes in to give ATHENA a hug. ATHENA accepts the hug for a brief moment, she pulls away from Stacy to meet their eyes. ATHENA begins to speak.) I need more time Stac. Before I go back into the crazy world out there. Please, just give me more time. (STACY nods and brings ATHENA into the embrace once more.)
Character: Hibiscus
Age: 19
Three words to describe this character: tired, apathetic, hippie
Setting: A dance studio.
HIBISCUS: So all you have to do is put your arm out like this, then swing it in like this, and… no no no, you’re doing it all wrong! How many times do I have to tell you? It’s not that hard, it’s swing snap rock! Ugh, you eight year olds have no idea how the fine art of interpretative dancing works, do you? You can’t just do the movement, you have to feel the movement taking your spirit in a new direction. Watch me do it. See? Let your spirit guide you through the movement. Okay, your turn. Good, okay– shoulders back! Okay… point your toes, my tiny dancers! Point them! Point them harder! That’s what I like to see! Okay, and chin up. Look to the sky. Imagine there’s a pretty little baby bird flying up above you. Keep your eyes on that bird, now. Your arms, they reach out to touch it — such a pretty little bird — and suddenly a big pelican comes and swoops down and eats the baby bird! Feel the baby bird’s pain in your spirit. Let the pain guide your movement— (to one girl) Alice, why are you crying? No, the bird wasn’t real, it was just an exercise— fine. Nevermind. I’ll call your mom. (To the class:) My little jumping beans, go over your movements again! Point. Those. Toes! (To self:) I hate eight year olds.
Selected Monologues for November 21, 2020
Character: Adrien Fields
Age: 27
Three words to describe this character: compassionate, kind, courageous
Setting: The wedding of Jane and Mark in California
ADRIEN: You have no idea how hard it was to let you go. You have no idea how much I still love you. You have no idea how hard it is to… to see you walk down the aisle, knowing I’m standing on the other side, just out of reach.
We were just kids in high school. We dated since freshman year, and all because of a stupid mistake of leaving you over the distance between us for college, my life will never be the same. I know, I know. You’ll tell me to move on. That high school sweethearts never last. And you’ll do it with a smile too, which is the worst part — I can never hate you for it. But here’s the thing, Jane. I loved you, love you, so much and I never intended to let you go. I thought I was doing what was best for you — I didn’t want you to have to suffer through another long distance relationship. You didn’t deserve to go through that pain after your ex put you through the same thing.
But for as much as I love you, and for as much as I never want to let you go, I have to. Because you’re about to marry my best friend. I may not have you in my life in the way I’d like, but at least I can keep you close. I love your perfume of vanilla lavender, and the way your hands are soft and your hair is always perfectly silky smooth. I love your snorting laugh which you insist is so ugly, but instantly lights up a room. I remember this one time where you got a room full of people laughing just from your laugh alone — they didn’t even know the joke!
Jane, you have no idea how much I love you and how much I’ll continue to love you and I intend to keep it that way. I love you from a distance, Jane.
Character: Ezra
Age: 17
Three words to describe this character: sensitive, vulnerable, resilient
Setting: Yadkinville, North Carolina. 2016.
EZRA: You have no idea… I could just remember the squealing nails on a chalkboard, that with a snap of my fingers, turn into a screaming cry. My legs felt like boulders. I tried to walk across the hallway, I felt stiff numb and unresponsive. It was like the whole world just went cold and my breath turned to ice. The only one in the room was my mother’s body clenching onto me. The phone was on the ground from when she threw it, and she pleaded for me not to pick it up. Her voice echoed into my ear, cutting into my ear canal. She muttered one sentence to me as if it was her last words… “Matt’s dead… Matt’s dead… Matt’s dead.” The hairs on my arm stood up, I could feel my pours quake and shiver to goosebumps. After that day, after that funeral, after them shoving and burning his body until the pieces of his skin melted to hot ash. It was I, I was there. I could feel the fire piercing and dissolving, turning my skin to ask and someone else’s waste. Except the cremation didn’t stop there, it followed us. It followed us until it burned all of us. It followed us when my mom shoved antidepressants in her mouth to ignore the pain. It followed us when my father looked to food for some sort of escape or pleasure. It followed us when his kids were left with no father to give them comfort or support or strength or love. This man that burned in his own demise did many things, but when he’s taken away all that ever will be remembered is the thing that took him away. Never the things that he gave. It’s funny, how we never remember the life, love, joy, and memories someone gives. We just remember the thing that took him away and how someone leaves us. This shadow will always haunt me. This shadow is his thumbprint on the life he could have had or the life we all could’ve had if he was still with us. Maybe sometime soon, I’ll be tall enough to reach my mothers antidepressants.
Character: Sarah
Age: 16
Three words to describe this character: passionate, nice, truthful
Setting: Sarah’s bedroom. 2020. It is a rainy night. Sarah has called Gordon.
SARAH:
Gordon I-
I have to tell you something that you may not like.
And if you’re ever uncomfortable while I tell you this don’t hesitate to tell me.
(A beat.)
You have no idea how long I’ve loved you.
We’ve known each other for years but I’ve never told you.
I mean why should I, you’re kind of a playboy.
Sorry that was rude.
But I’m not wrong. There’s been literally no chance for me to have a chance with you because everyone else under the sun is having theirs.
And I think it’s high time I have mine,
That is if you feel the same.
I really love you Gordon
And I’m your oldest friend.
If I’m sticking with being honest, your best friend.
There’s no getting to know someone, because we already know each other inside and out.
What I’m really getting at is that…
You don’t have anyone, I don’t have anyone.
So why don’t we have each other for awhile?
I’m not saying you have to be in love with me or that you are obligated to reciprocate my level of feelings
Just give me a chance, Gor.
Ok
Well
Hit me back.
Character: Winston
Age: 17
Three words to describe this character: kind-hearted, loyal, sentimental
Setting: Outside, on a hill in the countryside as the sun is setting.
WINSTON: How beautiful you are, your golden hair with curls, emerald eyes, pale white skin. Oh, how you take many breaths away, even mine. How a rose could dance in the wind, elegant, beautiful, and even dangerous with your thorns. How you mesmerized others with your; movement, looks, and the way you speak. I would bet everywhere you go, you’ll draw a group of people following your direction. But, like everyone else you want to be by yourself, not letting anyone take control of you, don’t want to be looked down upon. An angel, don’t they say that to describe you? ‘Oh that beautiful angel, is your nephew?’ Why, they were surprised that their imagination is real, how your beauty is a curse on you at times. Why would anyone treat an angel like a rag doll, back and forth, how much pain did you feel? Do you feel sad being used, or do you feel sad when missing someone that isn’t with you? Bruises, on an angel, is what the world would do to something beautiful and perfect, how the world would break perfection in any way. How can I help? I would always ask myself that question, every time I see you, in person, by afar, or even in my mind. When you sleep, what do you dream, an angel like you, do you dream of you having wings, where would you go with them? Many questions I think, but never ask you. You have no idea what thoughts flood my mind when I see you. An angel anchored to this world, when will you learn how the world treats you, is awful, when will you know that I can help you be sheltered in this world, find something that’ll soothe your everlasting pain. Oh, you have no idea how many thoughts I have flooding in my mind, when will this angel ever learn, when will the world stop torturing you with their abuse, when will your pain end? So many questions, but sadly, no answers, you poor, poor angel, no one can unanchor you, I’m sorry. My angel, how your emerald eyes glow and sparkle with life, now dull and dusk with gloom, your golden hair no longer flowing in the wind, your pale skin now, white from sickness and loss of blood. My angel, why did you take your wings?
Selected Monologues for November 14, 2020
Character: Eno
Age: 17
Three words to describe Eno: logical, sarcastic, and sentimental
Setting: Eno’s home, speaking in his head
[Eno sits partially slumped into the floor, looking worn out- perhaps from steady mental turmoil, or even a fight. However, something solid remains in his composure; a hand flat against the floor, or his head kept upright. He turns to Alan, speaking to him in his mind in what takes place in maybe only a fraction of a second.]
ENO: You have no idea how much I love you in this moment.
But, I’d never tell you that. It’s not my thing. Words aren’t something that I’m especially… tactful with, so it might be best if I just don’t say anything at all, and I just stare at you instead. But in this moment, after what feels like the end of the world, staring at you like I am… I love you. More than anything, I love you.
In this moment where everything is too, too still, where my mouth refuses to move, and I’m just holding your face in my hands. In this single moment, where every breath I take feels like a stupid eternity, every touch feels like a lifetime that’s gone on too long. And you’re not saying anything, because you’ve got that dumb smile on your face that makes me start to think about too many things at once, and it just makes my heart feel like it’s…
…God, you know I’m not good with analogies. But I could just sit here, you know? I could just sit here and stare at you. As someone who used to live in a world where things never stopped moving, where I never stopped moving, you’ve brought me somewhere else. And it’s not to the chaos that we’ve found ourselves in, or the violence, or the constant action. It’s… pretty much to the exact opposite. It’s to you.
It’s to your inability to do basic math, and yet somehow know exactly what I’m feeling days before I know it myself. It’s to your stupid kindness and generosity and lack of self-preservation, and… Wait, did you eat today? …God, never mind, Alan, it’s just… you’re just so inexplicably different from everything I’ve ever experienced. It’s like we’re not even here, facing the awful crises and calamities that have become our day-to-day. It’s like it’s only you, and me, and this world that we’ve created apart from everything else.
And after everything else, I think I can sit still for a moment in this new world. Or at the very least, I’ve finally decided that I want to. You make me decide that I want to. I don’t know how you do it, but I could just never move from here and be completely satisfied for the rest of my life. For once, I don’t want to move, or fight, or run away. I just want to stay with you.
But I’d never tell you that. I’m in love with you, but I wouldn’t dare tell you.
I think you already know, anyway.
Character: B.C. aka Branden Calvin
Age: early 20s
Three words to describe B.C.: cold, apathetic, broken
[B.C. has just gotten into a fight with his old best friend, Jake, in which B.C. wins and Jake says B.C. has changed.]
B.C.: Monster? How dare you call me a monster? HOW DARE YOU say that I’m the one that changed?! You have no idea all the pain you have caused me during high school. You used to be my best friend. My only friend at that, but you were the one that changed. It started off as you ditching me once or twice to meet with other people, but then it became more frequent. You started to ignore me during school, like I was some stain on your reputation. Then when the bullying got worse, WHEN I NEEDED YOU THE MOST, you did nothing. You let their words cut through me like knives, and just watched as I bled. As the blood from my body pool on the floor and the color of my face go pale. While their words were like knives your actions were like hammers. Every time you left me alone in my time of needing you it felt like a hammer was smashing into my skull until my head was just a mess of blood and brain matter on the floor. Yet while this happened you just stood there, in silence, watching me suffer, when I used to call you a friend. I did what I had to do to survive, what I had to do to be stronger than them. So don’t you dare call me a monster, because you don’t even know the meaning of the word.
Character: Adam
Age: 34
Three words to describe Adam: emotional, strong, sensitive
Setting: Church
ADAM: I haven’t said enough. I’m tired of going to my knees and praying without an answer. You have no idea of what it is to see everything fall down to your feet and the only thing you can do is crumble to pick up the pieces. To see my wife who hasn’t done any wrong in this stupid world in a hospital bed on the fine line between life and death, is that your karma? Tell me, tell me. Is that the paradise you’re talking about? Please, tell me about it. ‘Cause I don’t understand what I’m supposed to do or believe anymore. Everything must happen for a reason, that’s what your book is always telling me or at least that’s what you’re always preaching. But I’m tired of looking at the stars for an answer. I’m tired. Hiding my tears in front her knowing there’s nothing I could do to make her feel better. And you know what? I thought that I heard her laughing again, but that was just the devil playing in my mind. I tried to sleep but I can’t even differentiate between reality and a nightmare anymore. Try to sleep with that. I don’t know anymore. I walk in life following the rules of your institution, I follow the law of life but my path is lost. I feel like I’m losing my religion with every step I take.
Character: Anonymous
Age: late teens/early twenties
Three words to describe this character: human, loving, truthful
Setting: At a desk in a bedroom
ANONYMOUS: The constant burning in my chest feels unbearable. My eyes water. My breath quivers. My hands fidget at the simple thought I might not be loved anymore. Opening my mouth to speak was a simple bodily performance to do, but now standing in front of the people who should love me the most, it’s hard to say a single word. I want to be completely honest and straightforward because I thought honesty is the best policy but It only brought out the nasty truth. To hear from someone dear that you’re “abnormal,” “disgusting,” “mentally ill,” “controlled by the devil” saddens my heart and makes me question who I’ve been living with. I didn’t have to say what I said but I did it because I loved them and I thought they loved me, so they’d accept me for me no matter what, right? Who knew loving someone was so wrong… I guess gender really does matter to some people in this day and age. I just wanted to be free and happy to BE myself, but they clearly see my happiness as a “mental illness.” What can I say to change their minds? What could I have done differently? Said something differently? You have no idea how it feels to be abandoned by the ones who raised you, nurtured you, housed you… the ones who said “I love you” but now all they say is “I hate you”. I’m only recording this because… who else can I talk but myself. You have no idea…I have no idea how to live.
SPECIAL THANKS
To Helen Kornblau for her gift supporting the Student Monologue Challenge.